Venting Coming to terms with loneliness

[クーロ]

A lot of us in here are NEETs due to having very little irl connections with people. How many of you have essentially given up on changing that? I had "friends" irl before but for an year or so and it wasn't mutual anyway. I had to constantly keep up an image of le funny guy to keep them interested and they stop talking the minute I ask anything serious. Throughout my life I was surrounded by a massive family that destroyed my self esteem and made me despise going outside. The reason I never develop hobbies seriously or put too much time into things is because it reminds me of my time as a child where my relatives would push me into a hobby only to make fun of me when I fail at it. They told me to try drawing then laughed hysterically when I struggled with anatomy. They told me to try mathematics but offered zero support when I struggled with algebra. Ironically I got the "lazy genius" treatment where they thought I was clever but made my avoidant character a running joke. My only salvation was school, which wasn't any better since instead of getting picked on for something within my control it was instead over things I can't do shit about. Unequal teeth, dark skin, the like. People only spoke to me when they needed homework help then ignored me otherwise. The one person who was nice to me was a sweet girl I always played with during recess, but then my parents stopped me from talking to her further for religious reasons until she switched schools. That would've literally saved me but I guess not. It was like this throughout all of my schools years except high school where I gave up and simply avoided everyone. No one can bully me if no one knows my name. It is really exhausting to be surrounded by people who hate you 24/7 because my self esteem is so rock bottom I no longer have the confidence to speak to anyone in a way that asserts my character. I have to constantly keep up an act so I don't get slapped or picked on for my insecurities. Due to this I have decided that I will no longer try making friends. At least not in real life. Every attempt I've made resulted in disaster and further destruction of my self esteem. I have no one irl and no longer care. At least on the internet the criticism I get is useful and people are generally mature. I would much rather communicate with others online than ever deal with that shit again. It is too late to start making friends at 20 anyway. By the time I'm in uni I will ignore everyone and disappear like a ghost it's all for the best. At least that way I'm free to indulge in my hobbies without getting judgement every passing second.
I regressed it all this time assuming people were just having fun and I took it too seriously but looking back at it that is not the case. They genuinely saw me as a disgusting subhuman and it taking me so long to notice probably is part of it. It's been 11 years, trying any further would be futile.

>Inb4 DNR
nigger

 

[rekamaður]

I honestly don't mind my loneliness.
Even when normies are nice to me I just feel that we don't get along. I tried a bit at uni, even got invited to a party, but when I was there I just felt like I'd rather be at home rotting. After that I realized it's pointless.
I'm definitely not some schizo who has absolutely 0 desire for human interaction, because I'm still here lol. But I've given up irl and I've seen that it doesn't work out and I don't feel "lonely" at all, I honestly like my life the way it is now. I even want to move out of my parents house so I live completely on my own and am never really bothered by people.
That being said I do want good friends irl, if I could meet someone like @PointOfNoReturn it'd be cool. But I know that won't happen, so it is what it is.
I don't even really fit in with the other nerdy types irl, so I imagine I'd still be an outcast if I went to meetups for some obscure autistic interest. And things like anime are very NT and normie now lol.
So yeah, it's not ideal, I guess, but I just accept that. It is what it is.

 

[ZZebra786]

I aint reading all that

 

[クーロ]

I aint reading all that

"Coming to terms with BBC or how I learned to stop worrying and love cuck porn"
- you read 11 times over with bookmarks and casually quoting it daily

 

[Lucillian]

i used to feel really bad about suffering from loneliness but then i just accepted it and now i prefer it this way.

 

[Pirate]

A lot of us in here are NEETs due to having very little irl connections with people. How many of you have essentially given up on changing that? I had "friends" irl before but for an year or so and it wasn't mutual anyway. I had to constantly keep up an image of le funny guy to keep them interested and they stop talking the minute I ask anything serious. Throughout my life I was surrounded by a massive family that destroyed my self esteem and made me despise going outside. The reason I never develop hobbies seriously or put too much time into things is because it reminds me of my time as a child where my relatives would push me into a hobby only to make fun of me when I fail at it. They told me to try drawing then laughed hysterically when I struggled with anatomy. They told me to try mathematics but offered zero support when I struggled with algebra. Ironically I got the "lazy genius" treatment where they thought I was clever but made my avoidant character a running joke. My only salvation was school, which wasn't any better since instead of getting picked on for something within my control it was instead over things I can't do shit about. Unequal teeth, dark skin, the like. People only spoke to me when they needed homework help then ignored me otherwise. The one person who was nice to me was a sweet girl I always played with during recess, but then my parents stopped me from talking to her further for religious reasons until she switched schools. That would've literally saved me but I guess not. It was like this throughout all of my schools years except high school where I gave up and simply avoided everyone. No one can bully me if no one knows my name. It is really exhausting to be surrounded by people who hate you 24/7 because my self esteem is so rock bottom I no longer have the confidence to speak to anyone in a way that asserts my character. I have to constantly keep up an act so I don't get slapped or picked on for my insecurities. Due to this I have decided that I will no longer try making friends. At least not in real life. Every attempt I've made resulted in disaster and further destruction of my self esteem. I have no one irl and no longer care. At least on the internet the criticism I get is useful and people are generally mature. I would much rather communicate with others online than ever deal with that shit again. It is too late to start making friends at 20 anyway. By the time I'm in uni I will ignore everyone and disappear like a ghost it's all for the best. At least that way I'm free to indulge in my hobbies without getting judgement every passing second.
I regressed it all this time assuming people were just having fun and I took it too seriously but looking back at it that is not the case. They genuinely saw me as a disgusting subhuman and it taking me so long to notice probably is part of it. It's been 11 years, trying any further would be futile.

View attachment 114321
>Inb4 DNR
nigger

It's not like online friends are the salvation you think it is

Once I was in an online friend group a few years ago and it was really fun talking 24/7 and playing vidja but randomly the chat became dry, little do I know there was an entirely knew GC made behind my back and I was being gaslit for the past six (6)! weeks, reason for all this? I suddenly became "annoying"

I will admit, there was a few foids in it so maybe they just found a new jester to play around with and took their simps and left me to rot

At least with IRL friends you can go outside and do fun shit and if they want to leave they atleast have to try ending it since they cant really ghost you without moving far away

 

[クーロ]

It's not like online friends are the salvation you think it is

I'll take the risk. Rather a few anonymous posters on a strange forum than whatever creatures are lurking outside

Once I was in an online friend group a few years ago and it was really fun talking 24/7 and playing vidja but randomly the chat became dry, little do I know there was an entirely knew GC made behind my back and I was being gaslit for the past six (6)! weeks, reason for all this? I suddenly became "annoying"

This is terrifying lol one of my biggest fears. I had an experience like this once but it only lasted a few days before I lost it. How do the hell do you even move on from something like that

 

[Pirate]

How do the hell do you even move on from something like that

You don't, i've avoided private group chats and DMs for this reason.
If all of my messages are going to be leaked anyways might as well just chat in public

Oh yeah they were also screenshotting all of my PRIVATE messages and shitting on me for it

 

[Isle of Sippy]

You don't, i've avoided private group chats and DMs for this reason.
If all of my messages are going to be leaked anyways might as well just chat in public

Oh yeah they were also screenshotting all of my PRIVATE messages and shitting on me for it

That's fucked.

 

[Pirate]

That's fucked.

It's what you get for interacting with normies and foids
JFL nothing is sacred to them, it's just a matter of "will this give me social points??" All because the ringleader stacy decided I wasn't good enough, nobody else questioned her or defended me ..

 

[クーロ]

You don't, i've avoided private group chats and DMs for this reason.
If all of my messages are going to be leaked anyways might as well just chat in public

Oh yeah they were also screenshotting all of my PRIVATE messages and shitting on me for it

That is some fucked up stuff man. Even worse if those messages are embarrassing. I once vented to
a girl about doing badly at school and she was laughing at it with maybe 9 people in some other chat. I only knew about it because she posted it on a private twitter account thinking she removed me earlier but mixed up my name with another dude

It's what you get for interacting with normies and foids
JFL nothing is sacred to them, it's just a matter of "will this give me social points??" All because the ringleader stacy decided I wasn't good enough, nobody else questioned her or defended me ..

Most people are very mean and only keep up an act. People will ditch you in seconds if it meant an upgrade in status or for jester purposes. I guess that's one thing we have in common in the east and west; people are more concerned about their reputation and respect than they are about their friends' wellbeing. You see it all the time on platforms like Tumblr where people cut off great relationships because they don't align with whatever politically correct belief is going on at the moment. Something very simple can destroy years of effort. FeelsBadMan

 

[Enju]

Mine as well come to terms with it. As a kid I always thought ascending would come natural, but it never did. On top of that, I only had a few true friends in middle school who I fell out with because they ditched me for other normies. I'm too high inhib to even try to meet anyone, not that there is many places to do that now. I just cope with talking to people on this forum because they are the most relatable.

 

[Pirate]

That is some fucked up stuff man. Even worse if those messages are embarrassing. I once vented to
a girl about doing badly at school and she was laughing at it with maybe 9 people in some other chat. I only knew about it because she posted it on a private twitter account thinking she removed me earlier but mixed up my name with another dude

I was coomposting about yoruichi from bleach, it was all in jest but ofcourse that normie jester decided to use me as a stepping stool to gain more social points. Who knows how much else was leaked for foid approval

I feel like this is the same all across discord and maybe reddit, maybe it's the lack of anonimity and low foid to male ratio which creates an environment where everything turns into a highschool-like war for social credit?

 

[Thadman]

You learn to accept it and embrace the dark void, my old friends despite knowing them since childhood had no choice but to toss me to the side because I had nothing to offer to them anymore, and I cant blame them for that. The few times I cross paths with them is awkward and strange, like akin to meeting that one drunkard step uncle who molested you as a child.

I probably wont be making a new friend anytime soon if ever, I really cant see it happening. Id hardly even call my bros on .net who I kick it with and DM from time to time proper friends, they hit peer status at most. This is not to say that I don't cherish them but friends is reaching.

 

[Eren]

Being alone ≠ loneliness.

I was a social reject in high school- then further isolated by covid. Though I never had friends through all of this once I started spending my days backpacking or lifting weights in the sun my feelings of loneliness ended tbh.

 

[Pikabro]

Tbh you have to put yourself first. How can you socialise if you hate yourself, you'll just become an object like jester/tryhard/third wheel and never assert yourself which just leads to you absorbing mistreatment like a sponge... Making you more antisocial... But if you put yourself first you're more likely to make real bonds IMO because it will be from a place of mutual respect. You have your shit going for you and won't take mistreatment and vice versa, this applies to family too otherwise like me you become an eternal child with no real connection to anybody

 

[クーロ]

Tbh you have to put yourself first. How can you socialise if you hate yourself, you'll just become an object like jester/tryhard/third wheel and never assert yourself which just leads to you absorbing mistreatment like a sponge... Making you more antisocial... But if you put yourself first you're more likely to make real bonds IMO because it will be from a place of mutual respect. You have your shit going for you and won't take mistreatment and vice versa, this applies to family too otherwise like me you become an eternal child with no real connection to anybody

Developing self esteem is too much work. I'll just isolate myself

 

[Pikabro]

Developing self esteem is too much work. I'll just isolate myself

Atp more and more years will pass. I could've just stayed on the grind since september and I would be in a good position by now but no I had to overthink and just commisserate/rot all day. Burryootal. Over. Never began

 

[Zangano1]

Being alone is not that bad if you have money to cope