Venting Contemplating on going ER on my brother.

[Polar-Z]

My mentally ill older brother decided to steal what little money I had saved up over the years and go do what only God knows retards do with money when they get their hands on it. Now my day was already shit, having anxiety crippling me from even going shopping. And being an agoraphobic shut-in due to decades of physical abuse and social humiliation because of This motherfucker…before he completely lost his mind. forcing me to stand still as he would throw eggs at my face when I was only 10 years old just for fun
threatening/attempting to kill me, my mother and sister multiple times. to fuckin me up mentally and socially to the point I couldn't leave the house out of shame or fear of being bullied because I'm related to him. or even the stress of leaving my mother alone with him.

Anyways, I didn't make this to dwell on the past since nothing can change that and it already turned to woe is me bitch attitude but I think I've finally reached my limits boyos and I'm genuinely sittin here with a club patiently waiting for this asshole to come running home to bash his skull in or if i should just make him overdose on his entire medicine supply and let it do the trick. Either way I don't plan to stick around after that but I still don't know how I'll take myself out if I actually pull This out. Not long ago, like last year I already snapped and almost killed a kid over petty ass shit when I saw him throwing rocks at my house window while my mom was near it. Some dudes had to pull me off and disarm me before I done it. But now I don't think anyone will be here to stop me and the only thing that kept me remotely docile (religious programming) died a long time ago along with any sense of right and wrong. I don't see my life going anywhere and I'm sick and tired of being the caretaker for this asshole when all he ever did was sabotage my childhood. Idk why I'm telling you this in this random ass website to online strangers who couldn't give a single F but I guess This is the closest thing I have to a cope mechanism right now. Eh Not like it matters, right the postmaxxer chads will always outshine the silent types lol. If I don't pussy and turn this to a fluke then I gotta say it's been fun knowing you boyos. One may never know when their time will come.

 

[Despondent]

kill him

 

[Polar-Z]

If you're planning to leave after it happens, why not do it right now instead?

It will still be shit for him if he can't take care of himself, and you won't risk prison.

I have nowhere to go. Nothing left to live for except the affection I have towards my mother and I don't wish to leave her with him. It's a twisted point of view but by taking him out I see it as me giving her relief from both of us

 

[Polar-Z]

Losing both of her sons at once might actually be worse from her point of view.

I don't know how she is, but some mothers actually value their life less than those of their children.

I can't argue with that however I believe she'll get over it. When my sister married and left she started to withdraw and succumb to depression. Crying at night for how her life turned out. She herself is probably traumatised now. I believe in time she'll get over it and it'll be better than dealing with us day in and day out until she dies.

Having fully embraced atheism I think it's better this way since she's old and won't suffer for much longer after this.

 

[Polar-Z]

Isn't there a place your brother can go? People like that get benefits and home carers where I live.

Whatever you choose to do, at least try to stay with your mom. I'm sure that will make her last days on this earth a bit better.

Thank you brother and we'll see. He Just got back as I'm writing this. If I don't log back then it's a done deal. I appreciate your help. Goodbye

 

[Pale God]

My mentally ill older brother decided to steal what little money I had saved up over the years and go do what only God knows retards do with money when they get their hands on it. Now my day was already shit, having anxiety crippling me from even going shopping. And being an agoraphobic shut-in due to decades of physical abuse and social humiliation because of This motherfucker…before he completely lost his mind. forcing me to stand still as he would throw eggs at my face when I was only 10 years old just for fun
threatening/attempting to kill me, my mother and sister multiple times. to fuckin me up mentally and socially to the point I couldn't leave the house out of shame or fear of being bullied because I'm related to him. or even the stress of leaving my mother alone with him.

Anyways, I didn't make this to dwell on the past since nothing can change that and it already turned to woe is me bitch attitude but I think I've finally reached my limits boyos and I'm genuinely sittin here with a club patiently waiting for this asshole to come running home to bash his skull in or if i should just make him overdose on his entire medicine supply and let it do the trick. Either way I don't plan to stick around after that but I still don't know how I'll take myself out if I actually pull This out. Not long ago, like last year I already snapped and almost killed a kid over petty ass shit when I saw him throwing rocks at my house window while my mom was near it. Some dudes had to pull me off and disarm me before I done it. But now I don't think anyone will be here to stop me and the only thing that kept me remotely docile (religious programming) died a long time ago along with any sense of right and wrong. I don't see my life going anywhere and I'm sick and tired of being the caretaker for this asshole when all he ever did was sabotage my childhood. Idk why I'm telling you this in this random ass website to online strangers who couldn't give a single F but I guess This is the closest thing I have to a cope mechanism right now. Eh Not like it matters, right the postmaxxer chads will always outshine the silent types lol. If I don't pussy and turn this to a fluke then I gotta say it's been fun knowing you boyos. One may never know when their time will come.

Do the pill stuff and make it look like an accident.

 

[AsgardTheFatcel]

I'm calling the FBİ right now. You've been reported to authorities.