Venting Do looks help?

[risper]

Autism rant:
If I needed a reminder of why I cut people off, this was it. I thought I could handle it. He, my "friend" was the reason I quit the app in the first place after a old incident, a photo of my messed up wrist shared without even thinking. sure, he apologized, but trust? gone. still, I thought I had the upper hand now. I've improved, I mog him to oblivion, became high htn from high mtn. I actually thought my looks would carry me, like that could make up for months of being shut off from the world, isolated in my room, practically mute. I thought maybe I’d feel better if he could see that. When he asked to call, I was hesitant, but I agreed thinking, "Can't be that bad" The second the call started, everything hit me like a train: the stuttering, the silence/ I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to sound normal. Every minute was hell, and there he was, laughing like it was nothing, joking around like that incident was just some funny story. I couldn’t respond right. I was practically laughing along, knowing that I looked like a fool. It was the worst feeling, like every bit of progress I thought I made meant nothing. He called me soft and made some joke about me getting drunk. Soft. that’s all he could say after months of me trying to perfect every single part of myself. and the worst part? I had no comeback, no way to defend myself. Just nothing.
I left that call feeling like total shit, and I’m done. I don’t need niggas reminding me of my failures or using my low points as their entertainment. No more of that shit, no more of trusting people, no more of trying to force some connection that clearly isn’t there. I learned my lesson: don’t bother with anyone. Just keep it to myself

 

[Lain]

I was like that too OP but then I discovered drugs and my life became instantly better, unironically. It sounds like you need to get out of your own head and be low inhib, what's your looks matter when it comes to social conversations? You're high inhib from social isolation, of course you're gonna stutter and be silent and be awkward, you don't chat particularly. It's not permanent, however, I've been exactly where you're at. From about the years 12-16 or so I was a hikki that didn't have online friends and would creep around at night at 2am, man, I became so fucked up. I was 270lbs~ and if family members tried to talk to me, I'd look down at the ground and stutter. I'd try to avoid people to avoid the pain of socializing, because it didn't come naturally. I'd like to say I improved myself and became a better human being, but one day, my mom slipped amphetamines in my drink and I instantly became a social butterfly and started talking without any inhibitions.

Soon after that, I got an adderall script. Soon after, I lost 100lbs, I got a girlfriend, I didn't get a job/study but I socially became much better off. I stopped taking adderall years ago and I stick to kratom/caffeine but now, even without drugs in my system, I'm fairly good at socializing. I hate to recommend drugs since they do have their downsides but I think at a certain point, if you're really down low, even the lows of drugs are preferable to the default state. I think you need to lower your inhibitions enough to socialize for long periods of time, after enough time doing this, it becomes natural rather than forced.

 

[risper]

I was like that too OP but then I discovered drugs and my life became instantly better, unironically. It sounds like you need to get out of your own head and be low inhib, what's your looks matter when it comes to social conversations? You're high inhib from social isolation, of course you're gonna stutter and be silent and be awkward, you don't chat particularly. It's not permanent, however, I've been exactly where you're at. From about the years 12-16 or so I was a hikki that didn't have online friends and would creep around at night at 2am, man, I became so fucked up. I was 270lbs~ and if family members tried to talk to me, I'd look down at the ground and stutter. I'd try to avoid people to avoid the pain of socializing, because it didn't come naturally. I'd like to say I improved myself and became a better human being, but one day, my mom slipped amphetamines in my drink and I instantly became a social butterfly and started talking without any inhibitions.

Soon after that, I got an adderall script. Soon after, I lost 100lbs, I got a girlfriend, I didn't get a job/study but I socially became much better off. I stopped taking adderall years ago and I stick to kratom/caffeine but now, even without drugs in my system, I'm fairly good at socializing. I hate to recommend drugs since they do have their downsides but I think at a certain point, if you're really down low, even the lows of drugs are preferable to the default state. I think you need to lower your inhibitions enough to socialize for long periods of time, after enough time doing this, it becomes natural rather than forced.

I get what youre saying, Maybe they worked for you but I cant just turn escape years of isolation, insecurity, and this messed up worldview with a high dose of adderall. Maybe Low inhib sounds great on paper or like in theory, but it’s not like I can just be suddenly be comfortable with ppl, Is it? You nigga say u lost 100 lbs and became a social butterfly, but you prob had something to work with like a family, school, people around you. I aint got that. My mind is a cage and I am constantly aware of how I look, how I sound, and the fact that every word I say could screw things up. Not denying that not giving a shit or being low inhib would make things easier but I’m not sure if it’s as easy as you think. it’s not just about awkwardness, it’s years of feeling like I don’t belong in my own skin, thinking everyone’s judging me for my every move. Socializing with niggas is like facing the firing squad when you’re this far down the line of selfhate. And yh, I could mess around with drugs and numb it, but thats just temporary, right? So what happens when they wear off and I’m back to square one, facing the same shit? And about "what looks matter in conversations" that shi easy to say, but looks have defined everything for me. it’s not just about conversation, it about confidence, respect and how people see you before you even say a word. For some of us, whether it should or not.
You’re saying "change the state of mind, change the experience."
I guess the only part I’m even considering is that maybe forcing myself to talk would make it natural eventually. But drugs as the answer? Not sure that’s a gamble I want to take

 

[Abhorrence]

, my mom slipped amphetamines in my drink

Tweek from South Park type shit

 

[Lain]

I get what youre saying, Maybe they worked for you but I cant just turn escape years of isolation, insecurity, and this messed up worldview with a high dose of adderall. Maybe Low inhib sounds great on paper or like in theory, but it’s not like I can just be suddenly be comfortable with ppl, Is it? You nigga say u lost 100 lbs and became a social butterfly, but you prob had something to work with like a family, school, people around you. I aint got that. My mind is a cage and I am constantly aware of how I look, how I sound, and the fact that every word I say could screw things up. Not denying that not giving a shit or being low inhib would make things easier but I’m not sure if it’s as easy as you think. it’s not just about awkwardness, it’s years of feeling like I don’t belong in my own skin, thinking everyone’s judging me for my every move. Socializing with niggas is like facing the firing squad when you’re this far down the line of selfhate. And yh, I could mess around with drugs and numb it, but thats just temporary, right? So what happens when they wear off and I’m back to square one, facing the same shit? And about "what looks matter in conversations" that shi easy to say, but looks have defined everything for me. it’s not just about conversation, it about confidence, respect and how people see you before you even say a word. For some of us, whether it should or not.
You’re saying "change the state of mind, change the experience."
I guess the only part I’m even considering is that maybe forcing myself to talk would make it natural eventually. But drugs as the answer? Not sure that’s a gamble I want to take

You can just suddenly be comfortable being around people, I was in your shoes before. I was a hikkineet with zero friends for about 4 years in my formative years. I didn't have IRL or online friends, I didn't go to school, I've been a NEET for about 13 years now more or less. Everything you do is a result of biological processes, if you change the process in one way, the result is different. Without drugs in my system, I'm still 100000x better at socializing now than I was in the past, I don't take any drugs that make me better at socializing particularly. I believe a large part of social anxiety and social avoidance is high inhibition coupled with bad life experiences. You have a bad experience socializing, right? So a part of your brain remembers that, the synapse is strengthened over time, the more bad experiences you have socializing, the more these synapses are strengthened. Eventually, you avoid it entirely.

Why drugs work is that specific drugs hit the receptor that makes you relaxed and at ease. While you're relaxed and at ease, then you socialize with someone in a low risk setting, maybe a fellow autist or someone that is easy to talk to that won't judge you. After that, a synapse is strengthened that essentially says socializing = good and it weakens the synapse that says socializing = bad. When you're in your sober state, on a subconscious level, after strengthening a synapse that says socializing = good, you would feel at ease and natural. You don't need drugs for this but it does make it significantly easier. I think ultimately you need to find a way to have as many low stress, rewarding conversations, in which you don't judge yourself too harshly. Some drugs can mimic reward signalling and put you in a low stress state that by default makes you not judge yourself. If you won't do that, I would recommend finding a neetcel and talking to them.

Also looks really don't help social skills. It's such an off the mark cope, especially if you're chatting online. The only way to get better at socializing is to socialize more, even if you suddenly turned into a 10/10, it wouldn't change that. If you want to get stronger, you have to lift. If you want to get faster, you have to run. If you want to get better at talking, you have to talk more. That's the only way. There's ways to make it easier, but that's still the only way.

 

[Poseidon]

Autism rant:
If I needed a reminder of why I cut people off, this was it. I thought I could handle it. He, my "friend" was the reason I quit the app in the first place after a old incident, a photo of my messed up wrist shared without even thinking. sure, he apologized, but trust? gone. still, I thought I had the upper hand now. I've improved, I mog him to oblivion, became high htn from high mtn. I actually thought my looks would carry me, like that could make up for months of being shut off from the world, isolated in my room, practically mute. I thought maybe I’d feel better if he could see that. When he asked to call, I was hesitant, but I agreed thinking, "Can't be that bad" The second the call started, everything hit me like a train: the stuttering, the silence/ I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to sound normal. Every minute was hell, and there he was, laughing like it was nothing, joking around like that incident was just some funny story. I couldn’t respond right. I was practically laughing along, knowing that I looked like a fool. It was the worst feeling, like every bit of progress I thought I made meant nothing. He called me soft and made some joke about me getting drunk. Soft. that’s all he could say after months of me trying to perfect every single part of myself. and the worst part? I had no comeback, no way to defend myself. Just nothing.
I left that call feeling like total shit, and I’m done. I don’t need niggas reminding me of my failures or using my low points as their entertainment. No more of that shit, no more of trusting people, no more of trying to force some connection that clearly isn’t there. I learned my lesson: don’t bother with anyone. Just keep it to myself

Could you format your paragraphs so its easier to read, this feels like I'm playing Morrowind again

 

[risper]

Could you format your paragraphs so its easier to read, this feels like I'm playing Morrowind again

You can just suddenly be comfortable being around people, I was in your shoes before. I was a hikkineet with zero friends for about 4 years in my formative years. I didn't have IRL or online friends, I didn't go to school, I've been a NEET for about 13 years now more or less. Everything you do is a result of biological processes, if you change the process in one way, the result is different. Without drugs in my system, I'm still 100000x better at socializing now than I was in the past, I don't take any drugs that make me better at socializing particularly. I believe a large part of social anxiety and social avoidance is high inhibition coupled with bad life experiences. You have a bad experience socializing, right? So a part of your brain remembers that, the synapse is strengthened over time, the more bad experiences you have socializing, the more these synapses are strengthened. Eventually, you avoid it entirely.

Why drugs work is that specific drugs hit the receptor that makes you relaxed and at ease. While you're relaxed and at ease, then you socialize with someone in a low risk setting, maybe a fellow autist or someone that is easy to talk to that won't judge you. After that, a synapse is strengthened that essentially says socializing = good and it weakens the synapse that says socializing = bad. When you're in your sober state, on a subconscious level, after strengthening a synapse that says socializing = good, you would feel at ease and natural. You don't need drugs for this but it does make it significantly easier. I think ultimately you need to find a way to have as many low stress, rewarding conversations, in which you don't judge yourself too harshly. Some drugs can mimic reward signalling and put you in a low stress state that by default makes you not judge yourself. If you won't do that, I would recommend finding a neetcel and talking to them.

Also looks really don't help social skills. It's such an off the mark cope, especially if you're chatting online. The only way to get better at socializing is to socialize more, even if you suddenly turned into a 10/10, it wouldn't change that. If you want to get stronger, you have to lift. If you want to get faster, you have to run. If you want to get better at talking, you have to talk more. That's the only way. There's ways to make it easier, but that's still the only way.

Will definitely consider some stuff you're saying, especially given that you're talking from experience. Some of it already been on my mind for a long time but I just couldn't bring myself to act on it. I've been using low tier drugs like caffeine, drinking coffee and energy drinks daily a while ago. This helped, but not enough by a long shot. Really appreciate your post on my thread Lain

 

[risper]

Could you format your paragraphs so its easier to read, this feels like I'm playing Morrowind again

As for this (didn't mean to quote you above) yeah I'll do it in the future

 

[Pale God]

Autism rant:
If I needed a reminder of why I cut people off, this was it. I thought I could handle it. He, my "friend" was the reason I quit the app in the first place after a old incident, a photo of my messed up wrist shared without even thinking. sure, he apologized, but trust? gone. still, I thought I had the upper hand now. I've improved, I mog him to oblivion, became high htn from high mtn. I actually thought my looks would carry me, like that could make up for months of being shut off from the world, isolated in my room, practically mute. I thought maybe I’d feel better if he could see that. When he asked to call, I was hesitant, but I agreed thinking, "Can't be that bad" The second the call started, everything hit me like a train: the stuttering, the silence/ I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to sound normal. Every minute was hell, and there he was, laughing like it was nothing, joking around like that incident was just some funny story. I couldn’t respond right. I was practically laughing along, knowing that I looked like a fool. It was the worst feeling, like every bit of progress I thought I made meant nothing. He called me soft and made some joke about me getting drunk. Soft. that’s all he could say after months of me trying to perfect every single part of myself. and the worst part? I had no comeback, no way to defend myself. Just nothing.
I left that call feeling like total shit, and I’m done. I don’t need niggas reminding me of my failures or using my low points as their entertainment. No more of that shit, no more of trusting people, no more of trying to force some connection that clearly isn’t there. I learned my lesson: don’t bother with anyone. Just keep it to myself

Can't read this shit. Make paragraphs.

 

[Pale God]

Imagine being "high HTN" and being this mentally retarded. Lol

 

[risper]

Imagine being "high HTN" and being this mentally retarded. Lol

swear ive seen u on org

 

[Pale God]

swear ive seen u on org

I used to be more often in the past. Now I just log in and post something every other month. I posted something last week I think after a month of absence.

 

[Lain]

Will definitely consider some stuff you're saying, especially given that you're talking from experience. Some of it already been on my mind for a long time but I just couldn't bring myself to act on it. I've been using low tier drugs like caffeine, drinking coffee and energy drinks daily a while ago. This helped, but not enough by a long shot. Really appreciate your post on my thread Lain

Stimulants usually make you higher inhib by lowering GABA and raising cortisol. Low GABA is largely what causes inhibition. If you increase it, you become lower inhib. There's some non addictive supplements you can try, valerian root and l-theanine are two great ones. L-theanine is from green tea and its what make people feel relaxed while drinking it, you can take higher doses of isolated l-theanine and it'll lower your inhibitions and awkwardness. There's no side effects or addiction and you can pick it up anywhere. I'd recommend giving it a shot, you could low inhib maxxxx and talk to people in that state, it may help a lot.

If you don't want to take supplements even, you can try eating foods that'll promote more GABA release, if you ask chatgpt it'll give a solid diet. I'd write more but I just binge played HOI4 for 16 hours and I'm about to pass out zzzzzz good luck mate

 

[risper]

Stimulants usually make you higher inhib by lowering GABA and raising cortisol. Low GABA is largely what causes inhibition. If you increase it, you become lower inhib. There's some non addictive supplements you can try, valerian root and l-theanine are two great ones. L-theanine is from green tea and its what make people feel relaxed while drinking it, you can take higher doses of isolated l-theanine and it'll lower your inhibitions and awkwardness. There's no side effects or addiction and you can pick it up anywhere. I'd recommend giving it a shot, you could low inhib maxxxx and talk to people in that state, it may help a lot.

If you don't want to take supplements even, you can try eating foods that'll promote more GABA release, if you ask chatgpt it'll give a solid diet. I'd write more but I just binge played HOI4 for 16 hours and I'm about to pass out zzzzzz good luck mate

Ight. Also good luck with the game I'm addicted to it too

 

[MelaninQueen]

Ight. Also good luck with the game I'm addicted to it too

I play Millennium Dawn... erm, as the PRC. Ah, yes! Chairman Hintao in 2004! Heh. China will achieve hegemony in the coming years, hopefully (I am of Chinese ascent).