anon1822movie
NEET
- Oct 9, 2022
- 70
I don't know how to describe it. What you feel when going outside for the first time in months.
It's not even the outside that is weird, it's seeing other people. It's a bit trippy. Your brain was in this comfort zone, a routine/rut for so many years, and now it feels like you're exposed to so many of the things you forgot again.
Makes you realize that being inside and avoiding people all the time makes your "normal" state of mind very abnormal. It's very uncomfortable, because you realize you're so far behind others.
It's surreal, trippy and even scary. Makes your emotions fluctuate wildly. For example, I saw a girl as a cashier. She looked rather poor, and for some reason I felt extreme pity for this mid 20s woman working as a cashier in a shitty eastern european country, probably making peanuts. It really tugged at my heartstrings, poor thing, wasting the days of her youth away for probably $200 a month. Made me really want to reconsider my future plans of making money illicitly, cause I'd be hurting other normal, poor people.
But then as I walked around, my emotions did a 180. I saw an attractive young woman. Obviously happy, confident. Redhead in black stockings and with a black collar. Seeing her made me want to fucking steal and rob everything I can to make myself rich, so I can fucking live. I want to live, I want to fuck women like that, I want to love her and receive affection from her and go out with her and live a normal human life. I want to feel like a man. I'm in my late 20s and I didn't experience what 99% of normal guys experience. I felt so inferior to that woman, like I'd never be able to get someone like that, even though the normal reaction of most men when looking at her would be wanting to talk to her and win her over. When I look at her, I feel inadequate and weak and like a loser.
And then as I walked around, I saw all these expensive cars. Poor shithole country, lots of expensive cars. I was also talking to my dad, and he kept pointing out all these hotels and buildings that were acquired by different politicians and their crony friends, and the secret services. In the 90s, in the past decade, just constant theft and corruption. This society is so poor and yet fucks like that got enriched because of it. Made me realize that even if I fucking made money by some nefarious means, that hurt others, fuck it. It's all a jungle. The people that got so rich didn't have the empathy and morality that makes me think about everything 100 times and feel bad just looking at a cashier. No! They stole shitloads, they hurt others, and they fucked all the redheads they wanted, bought BMWs and villas and sleep soundly, knowing they are rich lions and wolves and I am a poor sheep afraid to hurt others. Hell, I'm worse than the sheep, the sheep are the normal people, I'm a loser even compared to them. I'm the fucking grass that the sheep eat, I'm a worm in comparison.
It's not even the outside that is weird, it's seeing other people. It's a bit trippy. Your brain was in this comfort zone, a routine/rut for so many years, and now it feels like you're exposed to so many of the things you forgot again.
Makes you realize that being inside and avoiding people all the time makes your "normal" state of mind very abnormal. It's very uncomfortable, because you realize you're so far behind others.
It's surreal, trippy and even scary. Makes your emotions fluctuate wildly. For example, I saw a girl as a cashier. She looked rather poor, and for some reason I felt extreme pity for this mid 20s woman working as a cashier in a shitty eastern european country, probably making peanuts. It really tugged at my heartstrings, poor thing, wasting the days of her youth away for probably $200 a month. Made me really want to reconsider my future plans of making money illicitly, cause I'd be hurting other normal, poor people.
But then as I walked around, my emotions did a 180. I saw an attractive young woman. Obviously happy, confident. Redhead in black stockings and with a black collar. Seeing her made me want to fucking steal and rob everything I can to make myself rich, so I can fucking live. I want to live, I want to fuck women like that, I want to love her and receive affection from her and go out with her and live a normal human life. I want to feel like a man. I'm in my late 20s and I didn't experience what 99% of normal guys experience. I felt so inferior to that woman, like I'd never be able to get someone like that, even though the normal reaction of most men when looking at her would be wanting to talk to her and win her over. When I look at her, I feel inadequate and weak and like a loser.
And then as I walked around, I saw all these expensive cars. Poor shithole country, lots of expensive cars. I was also talking to my dad, and he kept pointing out all these hotels and buildings that were acquired by different politicians and their crony friends, and the secret services. In the 90s, in the past decade, just constant theft and corruption. This society is so poor and yet fucks like that got enriched because of it. Made me realize that even if I fucking made money by some nefarious means, that hurt others, fuck it. It's all a jungle. The people that got so rich didn't have the empathy and morality that makes me think about everything 100 times and feel bad just looking at a cashier. No! They stole shitloads, they hurt others, and they fucked all the redheads they wanted, bought BMWs and villas and sleep soundly, knowing they are rich lions and wolves and I am a poor sheep afraid to hurt others. Hell, I'm worse than the sheep, the sheep are the normal people, I'm a loser even compared to them. I'm the fucking grass that the sheep eat, I'm a worm in comparison.
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