NCRcel
Wishing for nuclear winter.
- Nov 29, 2020
- 185
I've tried medication before, it was an SSRI medication for depression and it actually did work... a little too well. I became super hyperactive and went from being almost completely sedentary to spending most of my days walking around my city doing random shit. I had so much energy pent up inside me that I simply could not stay still.
I began to make very irrational decisions, like selling my beloved gaming laptop to buy hiking gear because suddenly I wanted to become a mountaineer and take up mountain climbing classes... all of this just out of the blue.
Eventually after one of my family members became concerned with my extremely altered personality I told my doctor about this and he diagnosed me with mania. He wanted to try a different medicine, but I just wanted to stay on the current one and ignored him.
Eventually, I developed severe side effects like extreme sweating (to the point my shirt would be soaked) and fast heart rate. I was briefly hospitalized and diagnosed with a potentially deadly illness called "Serotonin Syndrome" caused by the SSRI Lexapro and had to immediately stop the medication and recieve some other medication through an IV to reduce the serotonin in my blood.
What ensued was probably the worst 3 weeks of my life, extreme depression to the point I couldn't be bothered to open my eyes some days. "Brain zaps" just google it, I can't possibly explain it to you. But basically these are mini seizures that happen when you suddenly withdraw from SSRI's. 24/7 thoughts of suicide. Extreme uncontrollable anger to the point of literally screaming at the top of my lungs and breaking things. And to think I felt "depressed" before taking this poison.
Eventually, I went back to my old sedentary self who just sits around most days. This experience scared me away from medication. But it was still an interesting experience I'll never forget. When I was manic, I did things I previously thought myself to be incapable of. It completely 180° changed my personality and the way I perceived things. I would literally go on 5 mile walks in the mountains, after being sedentary and anhedonic for probably 8 years. I lost 15 pounds in the brief time I was on it. And most interestingly, I was not aware of these dramatic personality changes. Others had to tell me about these changes. This experience actually introduced me to the idea that we don't really control our behavior, and have only limited awareness of what we do.
I began to make very irrational decisions, like selling my beloved gaming laptop to buy hiking gear because suddenly I wanted to become a mountaineer and take up mountain climbing classes... all of this just out of the blue.
Eventually after one of my family members became concerned with my extremely altered personality I told my doctor about this and he diagnosed me with mania. He wanted to try a different medicine, but I just wanted to stay on the current one and ignored him.
Eventually, I developed severe side effects like extreme sweating (to the point my shirt would be soaked) and fast heart rate. I was briefly hospitalized and diagnosed with a potentially deadly illness called "Serotonin Syndrome" caused by the SSRI Lexapro and had to immediately stop the medication and recieve some other medication through an IV to reduce the serotonin in my blood.
What ensued was probably the worst 3 weeks of my life, extreme depression to the point I couldn't be bothered to open my eyes some days. "Brain zaps" just google it, I can't possibly explain it to you. But basically these are mini seizures that happen when you suddenly withdraw from SSRI's. 24/7 thoughts of suicide. Extreme uncontrollable anger to the point of literally screaming at the top of my lungs and breaking things. And to think I felt "depressed" before taking this poison.
Eventually, I went back to my old sedentary self who just sits around most days. This experience scared me away from medication. But it was still an interesting experience I'll never forget. When I was manic, I did things I previously thought myself to be incapable of. It completely 180° changed my personality and the way I perceived things. I would literally go on 5 mile walks in the mountains, after being sedentary and anhedonic for probably 8 years. I lost 15 pounds in the brief time I was on it. And most interestingly, I was not aware of these dramatic personality changes. Others had to tell me about these changes. This experience actually introduced me to the idea that we don't really control our behavior, and have only limited awareness of what we do.
