worthless
(˘・_・˘)
- Jun 4, 2023
- 61
first post here, so nice to meet y'all.
kinda generic-ass rant, but i just wanna spill some shit because i can't handle it anymore.
like most of us here, i presume (and that's not meant to sound like an ofense btw), i have no friends, no bitches and no will to live anymore.
i'm at the middle of youth (currently at 18 y.o.), living in a very promiscuous country (brazil), where at my age people usually have already fucked multiple times, and yet here i am: first kiss was a couple months ago, most awkward experience of my life given that i have no social ability, girl soft-blocked me and that's not even to mention that here in brazil that "thing" that we did isn't even considered a proper kiss (don't know if that's a thing elsewhere, but here we consider that if you kiss someone briefly on the lips, that's called "selinho" and many consider that even if you do it you're still kissless, only losing that label when you do a french kiss).
other than that, i've lost the only friend i've ever had a couple of years ago. he used to be just like me, but in a very short amount of time he surpassed me socially in every way and form, pointing that probably i was dragging him back with my worthlessness.
finished highschool, currently in c.s. degree at uni. no friend as per usual.
no way to cope, as i lost any motivation to consoom media even if i want to. simply to lazy to watch anime (my old copium), play videogames or read visual novels (copiums that seem amazing yet demands a long time of investment, something i'm psychologically incapable of).
basically the only thing i do all day is study philosophy, religion and politics as a way to find a group in which i fit and a meaning in this pathetic life i live, and also cooming and watching stupid youtube videos to waste of some time and also because i'm a fucking pleasure-slave. no antidepressants seem to help me, as i have already tried 4 different ones, and they don't do shit.
really wanted to die, tbh, but i'm just too coward to actually do it, so i basically just hope that i have a fucking heart attack in my sleep and never wake up again.
worst of all is the feeling of waste that i feel, as my parents are just so fucking great with a piece of thrash like me, always helping me in every way and yet i know i'll never be able to compensate them because of my uselessness.
shit's brutal.
sorry for the boring-ass text.
best of wishes.
kinda generic-ass rant, but i just wanna spill some shit because i can't handle it anymore.
like most of us here, i presume (and that's not meant to sound like an ofense btw), i have no friends, no bitches and no will to live anymore.
i'm at the middle of youth (currently at 18 y.o.), living in a very promiscuous country (brazil), where at my age people usually have already fucked multiple times, and yet here i am: first kiss was a couple months ago, most awkward experience of my life given that i have no social ability, girl soft-blocked me and that's not even to mention that here in brazil that "thing" that we did isn't even considered a proper kiss (don't know if that's a thing elsewhere, but here we consider that if you kiss someone briefly on the lips, that's called "selinho" and many consider that even if you do it you're still kissless, only losing that label when you do a french kiss).
other than that, i've lost the only friend i've ever had a couple of years ago. he used to be just like me, but in a very short amount of time he surpassed me socially in every way and form, pointing that probably i was dragging him back with my worthlessness.
finished highschool, currently in c.s. degree at uni. no friend as per usual.
no way to cope, as i lost any motivation to consoom media even if i want to. simply to lazy to watch anime (my old copium), play videogames or read visual novels (copiums that seem amazing yet demands a long time of investment, something i'm psychologically incapable of).
basically the only thing i do all day is study philosophy, religion and politics as a way to find a group in which i fit and a meaning in this pathetic life i live, and also cooming and watching stupid youtube videos to waste of some time and also because i'm a fucking pleasure-slave. no antidepressants seem to help me, as i have already tried 4 different ones, and they don't do shit.
really wanted to die, tbh, but i'm just too coward to actually do it, so i basically just hope that i have a fucking heart attack in my sleep and never wake up again.
worst of all is the feeling of waste that i feel, as my parents are just so fucking great with a piece of thrash like me, always helping me in every way and yet i know i'll never be able to compensate them because of my uselessness.
shit's brutal.
sorry for the boring-ass text.
best of wishes.