UglyBastard
Kyrie, fons bonitatis
- Mar 28, 2023
- 2,050
How do I deal with a psychosis that never "breaks through" completely but persistently hurts me?
For example, I've had the impression that I'm being monitored for a long time. It's nothing too serious, but when I tried to live alone (July to September last year) I thought I'd been made a fool of by about 6 different government agencies, had been rejected for 40 different low-cost jobs and generally felt monitored in small interactions. All of this left me very stressed, so I moved from my homeland to Coimbra without telling anyone. I was obviously received with fear by my family there and, in this context, I ended up deciding to incinerate a car in a nearby factory in the hope of being beaten to death or being arrested and putting this monitoring thing to the test. I was beaten and remained arrested for 3 days, then hospitalized. I know this isn't a very serious story, but all of this happened in a context of extreme distrust towards my family. My uncle tried to stab me a year and a half ago and I ended up living on the streets in Coimbra for 3 weeks (I didn't use drugs there but I still felt monitored). My family reacted in a very strange and impersonal way to all of this, which, added to the disrespect and the fact that they ignored my requests for help when I was a child, I can't feel good about them and I think it's a mutual perception.
Two months ago (March 6th) something very strange happened to me on 4chan's /b/. I saw a girl of about 8 years old posting (attwhoring) with her own photo and broken writing. Her thread didn't go forward, which is strange in itself. The problem is that she looked a lot like me and I had an idea of reference that I secretly had a younger sister raised by another family. Later I talked again with another supposed 'sister' on 4cum and that same week I ended up being hospitalized for the second time.
I'm tired of these almost two years of madness and this perception that I've had since adolescence of being monitored
.
If I pretend that nothing is happening, will I eventually be able to normalize myself?
Thank you if you read everything. It means a lot.
For example, I've had the impression that I'm being monitored for a long time. It's nothing too serious, but when I tried to live alone (July to September last year) I thought I'd been made a fool of by about 6 different government agencies, had been rejected for 40 different low-cost jobs and generally felt monitored in small interactions. All of this left me very stressed, so I moved from my homeland to Coimbra without telling anyone. I was obviously received with fear by my family there and, in this context, I ended up deciding to incinerate a car in a nearby factory in the hope of being beaten to death or being arrested and putting this monitoring thing to the test. I was beaten and remained arrested for 3 days, then hospitalized. I know this isn't a very serious story, but all of this happened in a context of extreme distrust towards my family. My uncle tried to stab me a year and a half ago and I ended up living on the streets in Coimbra for 3 weeks (I didn't use drugs there but I still felt monitored). My family reacted in a very strange and impersonal way to all of this, which, added to the disrespect and the fact that they ignored my requests for help when I was a child, I can't feel good about them and I think it's a mutual perception.
Two months ago (March 6th) something very strange happened to me on 4chan's /b/. I saw a girl of about 8 years old posting (attwhoring) with her own photo and broken writing. Her thread didn't go forward, which is strange in itself. The problem is that she looked a lot like me and I had an idea of reference that I secretly had a younger sister raised by another family. Later I talked again with another supposed 'sister' on 4cum and that same week I ended up being hospitalized for the second time.
I'm tired of these almost two years of madness and this perception that I've had since adolescence of being monitored
.If I pretend that nothing is happening, will I eventually be able to normalize myself?
Thank you if you read everything. It means a lot.
