Broken&Ruined
Curse of Contradictioncel
- May 27, 2023
- 512
For those who don't know what the Curse of Contradiction is a concept in the anime Fairy Tail where the more you value life or somone the more those things will die. The Curse also makes people's thoughts and feelings completely contradictory as well. The character in my pfp(Zeref) has this curse.
The first time I saw this I was awe cause this really seemed similar to my Recurrent OCD about pretty much everything.
Most OCD patients have only one or two themes of anxiety(disease, germs, homosexuality, reationship etc) but in my case I have generalised OCD which means it isn't limited to one or two concept or things.
I can have anxiety and the repetitive ritiuals of OCD about pretty much everything. In the past year I have had OCD about the Buddha's race, ancestry of ancient Europeans, combat sports and a myriad of other themes which may seem almost comical to non OCD folks but OCD has the power to pretty much destroy your very hold on reality.
I have had OCD for the vast majority of my life. I had Pedo OCD at the age of 15 where I racked my brain with the fear that I am gonna become a Pedo. No matter the fact that I literally had a crush on an older girl at that time and regularly fapped to adult blonde stacies. My brain had convinced me that I was gonna become a pedo. See how OCD distorts reality ? This excessive stress at the peak of my teen years also definitely hampered my growth(Cortisol has a negative impact on HGH Hormone)
One of the most comical OCD themes I had recently was that I believed that kicking a Punching Bag for my MMA classes will make me unable to walk lol
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So you maybe thinking how is this all connected to the Fairy Tail anime or Curse of Contradiction ?
Well you see the character Zeref deals with the Curse similarly to how I and other OCD patients deal with OCD. Since Zeref valuing life causes him to kill everyone and everything around him he has to remove all of his regard for life from his mind in order to not kill it(contradictory).
Similarly OCD patients in order to stop the all consuming brain destroying obsessions, anxiety and rituals must stop caring about whatever their OCD theme is and stop doing the rituals(physical or mental associated with them).
This is how it works. In my case of my Pedo OCD I just accepted in my head "I don't really care whether I am a pedo or not" and stop doing the mental rituals associated with them and wouldn't you know after a week or so my brain was able to reassert the fact that I am not a pedo without any problem(since the anxiety associated with them is gone).
Similarly when I was in tenth grade I was also wracked by academic OCD where I excessively reviewed stuff to the point of madness. In contrast in 12th grade where I just didn't care about marks anymore I did way better since I looked at the problem in a clinical and logical manner.
This is the Curse. With generalised OCD like mine in order to deal with something efficiently you need to stop caring about it. This is where the contradiction lies.
Anyway rewatching Fairy Tail again made me write this post.
The first time I saw this I was awe cause this really seemed similar to my Recurrent OCD about pretty much everything.
Most OCD patients have only one or two themes of anxiety(disease, germs, homosexuality, reationship etc) but in my case I have generalised OCD which means it isn't limited to one or two concept or things.
I can have anxiety and the repetitive ritiuals of OCD about pretty much everything. In the past year I have had OCD about the Buddha's race, ancestry of ancient Europeans, combat sports and a myriad of other themes which may seem almost comical to non OCD folks but OCD has the power to pretty much destroy your very hold on reality.
I have had OCD for the vast majority of my life. I had Pedo OCD at the age of 15 where I racked my brain with the fear that I am gonna become a Pedo. No matter the fact that I literally had a crush on an older girl at that time and regularly fapped to adult blonde stacies. My brain had convinced me that I was gonna become a pedo. See how OCD distorts reality ? This excessive stress at the peak of my teen years also definitely hampered my growth(Cortisol has a negative impact on HGH Hormone)
One of the most comical OCD themes I had recently was that I believed that kicking a Punching Bag for my MMA classes will make me unable to walk lol
.So you maybe thinking how is this all connected to the Fairy Tail anime or Curse of Contradiction ?
Well you see the character Zeref deals with the Curse similarly to how I and other OCD patients deal with OCD. Since Zeref valuing life causes him to kill everyone and everything around him he has to remove all of his regard for life from his mind in order to not kill it(contradictory).
Similarly OCD patients in order to stop the all consuming brain destroying obsessions, anxiety and rituals must stop caring about whatever their OCD theme is and stop doing the rituals(physical or mental associated with them).
This is how it works. In my case of my Pedo OCD I just accepted in my head "I don't really care whether I am a pedo or not" and stop doing the mental rituals associated with them and wouldn't you know after a week or so my brain was able to reassert the fact that I am not a pedo without any problem(since the anxiety associated with them is gone).
Similarly when I was in tenth grade I was also wracked by academic OCD where I excessively reviewed stuff to the point of madness. In contrast in 12th grade where I just didn't care about marks anymore I did way better since I looked at the problem in a clinical and logical manner.
This is the Curse. With generalised OCD like mine in order to deal with something efficiently you need to stop caring about it. This is where the contradiction lies.
Anyway rewatching Fairy Tail again made me write this post.
