L
liazi
Banned
- Nov 26, 2020
- 179
I wonder what is the purpose of life.
I wished I had some skill and to be useful.
I don’t know the causes consequences dynamics of my neet lifestyle; did I start to become numb and dumb because I started living as a neet, or did I start living as a neet because I was numb and dumb?
I’m quite dumb. I believe in the 10k hours to master something, but I have poured nearly 10k hours into some things and still don’t master them; I’m mediocre at them.
I’m too lazy and whiny to ever achieve anything good, and I believe in some kind of blackpill of my mind’s capacities.
Similar to a fat guy that want to become a bodybuilder but can’t stop eating and never exercise, I rarely start learning and never go far in it.
I took some coding classes a long time ago. I quickly got lost and unable to understand what was still pretty “basic”.
I have read countless cheap books but still I have trouble reading and my writing is bad.
Even learning how to drive was complicated. You take on average 30 hours, I took nearly 80 hours, barely passed the exam, and I had an accident straight away when I tried on my own. I stopped driving ever since.
I tried learning Spanish as people said it could be useful. I attended extra classes during high school, and I was barely able to make a complete sentence after 5 years of trying my hardest.
I don’t know what is left for me.
Too stupid to code, too stupid for Spanish, too stupid to be a truck driver, too stupid to even write a blog…
The peak of my abilities was the only job I ever had.
For a few months, some office desk job for people right out of high school. I had issues learning some procedures, and I got softly pushed out.
According to youtube videos and blog articles I now need a dopamine fast to be able to enjoy/focus on reading and video games again. Video games make me feel guilty and I give up after I have logged into them. Being bad is not helping. I tried to watch some anime but I can’t get started either. I’m just LDARing, that’s why I want to start reading again.
In a few years my parents will die, I might inherit the place unless we have to pay medical bills, then I’ll need a job or some welfare to pay the place’s bills, else I’ll be homeless.
I wished I had some skill and to be useful.
I don’t know the causes consequences dynamics of my neet lifestyle; did I start to become numb and dumb because I started living as a neet, or did I start living as a neet because I was numb and dumb?
I’m quite dumb. I believe in the 10k hours to master something, but I have poured nearly 10k hours into some things and still don’t master them; I’m mediocre at them.
I’m too lazy and whiny to ever achieve anything good, and I believe in some kind of blackpill of my mind’s capacities.
Similar to a fat guy that want to become a bodybuilder but can’t stop eating and never exercise, I rarely start learning and never go far in it.
I took some coding classes a long time ago. I quickly got lost and unable to understand what was still pretty “basic”.
I have read countless cheap books but still I have trouble reading and my writing is bad.
Even learning how to drive was complicated. You take on average 30 hours, I took nearly 80 hours, barely passed the exam, and I had an accident straight away when I tried on my own. I stopped driving ever since.
I tried learning Spanish as people said it could be useful. I attended extra classes during high school, and I was barely able to make a complete sentence after 5 years of trying my hardest.
I don’t know what is left for me.
Too stupid to code, too stupid for Spanish, too stupid to be a truck driver, too stupid to even write a blog…
The peak of my abilities was the only job I ever had.
For a few months, some office desk job for people right out of high school. I had issues learning some procedures, and I got softly pushed out.
According to youtube videos and blog articles I now need a dopamine fast to be able to enjoy/focus on reading and video games again. Video games make me feel guilty and I give up after I have logged into them. Being bad is not helping. I tried to watch some anime but I can’t get started either. I’m just LDARing, that’s why I want to start reading again.
In a few years my parents will die, I might inherit the place unless we have to pay medical bills, then I’ll need a job or some welfare to pay the place’s bills, else I’ll be homeless.
