Venting Life update [long post]

[Uruma shun]

NOTE -
I know there will be some who will be calling the entire post a lie and a shout for attention, but I don't really care. I barely even open this site let alone crave for smth.
It's upto you to believe whatever u want to believe.
This update was for those who actually reached out to me while I was offline

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I disappeared for a few months, right after being so active. Many of my friends on these forums have deleted their account noe, including kaede.

The only mfer, still alive like a cockroach. @lasackis, now spamming insta reels instead of actual posts.
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• May 20 2024.

A girl approached me, for the first time in my life. I was nervous, unbothered but at the same time didn't wanna let go of the chance I had. I was feeling a bit more confident in myself and felt like am finally leaving inceldom behind.

• May 27 2024

She called me out in the empty lecture hall, while ppl were busy in a college event and asked me out, I felt a tight pain in my chest, realising I can finally live a normal life and I can be loved. We were about to kiss and suddenly a loud bang, there comes out her friends - 4 guys and 7 girls, all laughing and screaming and I realised that I was being toyed with. It was a dare for her.
Never in my life did I think that I will be the centre of the cliche, asked u out as a dare shit.

The incident broke me apart so much, I was back to being a neet, and an incel but this time even more numb and suicidal. But I kept coping cuz I had my exams approaching.

• 4 June 2024

I git into an accident, I was on my bike a when a guy sped up on the turn and hit me, I fell down on a bunch of stones and broken glasses, with my right leg sandwiched between the 100kg bike and the glass pieces.

I ended up with a major Tibia (lower leg/calf bone) fracture, small fractures in my lower Femur, ankles became a mess.
Unfortunately my leg survived and I was plastered and told I will be able to walk again by December, Rehab until February.

Welp fucked and broken, I started taking anti depressants and got hooked on them again. To the point. The only reason I woke up every day was to take another pill.

• 4th july 2024

My first suicide attempt of 2024, I had tried a few times in past but they all ended up as emo scars instead.
The same day my old friend committed suicide, I mentioned it in my previous post.
And i was left alone inside my room, broken leg, ran out of pills, migraine all over my cranium and loneliness.
Called my mom one last time, my sister picked up the phone and hung up on me after calling me a trash can.
i also mentioned this in one of my post in past, abt how i am an outcast in my own family.
all of this led to severe mental breakdown. I still didnt cry.
Decided to climb the 30 floored apartment and jump off the roof in midnight.
Well to my fucked luck, there were some drunkards who saw me and stopped me from doing it and then reported me to the SPSR. They basically gold services and rehabs for suicide attemptees. Missed my periodic exams and spent a whole month in the Rehab centre.

I was alr a mess nothing could go wrong, I was already planning my next attempt.
No friend, no family, no love, no motive to live, no goal in life, nothing to be wasting the air for.

• 25 July 2024

Tried attempting to kill myself by overdosing on sleeping pills and painkillers. That's all I could afford. But apparently, the Rehab centre had warned my hostel abt mynsitustion and without my permission or notice, they installed cctv.
They stopped me before I could even swallow.

Again in the Rehab centre.
This time with a 50 yr old deaf crackhead. Runs around all day and keep poking his ears with a sharpened and long toothpick, said he could feel his ears that way.

• 7 August 2024

Woke up my minor bleeding in my right ear, and the crackhead just sitting next to me with his toothpick, I realised that miserable mother fucker pocked my right eardrum with it.
By thr time I was taken to the hospital, my eardrum was alr 50% ruptured, all swollen and infected. The pain was nothing compared to getting your eyes poked by needles.

24/7 u hear ringing sounds in your ears, and it feels like someone is poking your brain with something, u don't feel your either cuz its swollen and numb now.
And u just wanna rip apart everything cuz of how much it hurts.

• 10 august 2024

had a tympanoplasty surgery, they fix your eardrum hole by using a graft from your cartilage and grafting it. Gave anaesthesia but it didnt really feel that weird, maybe because I was already numbing myself to substances. Surgery took 1hr 45 min. Stayed in the hospital for 3 hrs, and told me I was good to go back.

• 13 August 2024

My paternal uncle came to visit me and realised I was in the Rehab, even though he didn't inform in my family, I already knew no one would even budge a single hair.

Am currently at his house, he isnt married, so house is empty.
He stays out most of the time cuz of his job as a tour guide and a part time teacher.

So I don't feel uncomfortable here.

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Nowadays, I don't have any suicidal thoughts or impulses, migraine is still extremely killing me, so is my ear it still fucking hurts. Cant go out cuz of my leg.

I spend my day reading literatures, history, philosophy, Mangas, listening to a whole Lotta songs, prolly 250 songs per day.
Trying to discover my own philosophical ideologies, I never really showed any interest in them before.
And yeah.

Hope you all have a better life than mine, and I hope you have a good day.

Thank you.

 

[burn]

Read everything brutal brother hope it gets better

 

[Unemployed]

May 27 2024

She called me out in the empty lecture hall, while ppl were busy in a college event and asked me out, I felt a tight pain in my chest, realising I can finally live a normal life and I can be loved. We were about to kiss and suddenly a loud bang, there comes out her friends - 4 guys and 7 girls, all laughing and screaming and I realised that I was being toyed with. It was a dare for her.
Never in my life did I think that I will be the centre of the cliche, asked u out as a dare shit.

The incident broke me apart so much, I was back to being a neet, and an incel but this time even more numb and suicidal. But I kept coping cuz I had my exams approaching.

What putting women on a pedestal does to a mofo. Be more careful if you ever decide to experience the nightlife. You need some street smarts, dude, or you won't survive. Protect your meat.

You don't wanna get any stds. You don't wanna get some random woman pregnant. Don't start kissing women you don't know either. Many women flirt with single men to scam or rob them, especially if they are alone. That's all, player. Don't be an easy target. I wish you the best.

 

[Lain]

Here's a few philosophy videos/channels I like, maybe you can gleam something from them. Especially the notion of pain as an inherently bad thing (when it's not), as the palliative society video describes, I'm nearly finished with the essay after watching that video. What do you think the future holds for you? Maybe a different perspective via philosophy can give you a different view on your future.

 

[IGiveUp]

Ngl I forgot who you even are

 

[neetinpeace]

This post was soo brutal that I thought it was a copypasta reading halfway

 

[Unemployed]

Incels with no street smarts get killed.

 

[Unemployed]

Incels with no street smarts get killed.

Damn. This man wasn't even an incel. He had a girlfriend who was pregnant.

He was just dumb as fuck. Thinking he would get to cheat his gf with two hot chicks.

Haha. Yeah, man... Protect your meat, sucka. Don't trust any random bitches who approach you.

Don't try to have sexx with them either. Especially if you're alone and nobody knows where you are.

 

[xinino]

1. Don't attempt in public

overdosing on sleeping pills and painkillers

2. This won't kill you, cry for help is pointless, next time read about suicide reports on internet.

 

[Uruma shun]

1. Don't attempt in public

2. This won't kill you, cry for help is pointless, next time read about suicide reports on internet.

Yeah I wasn't stupid enough to do it in public, when I climbed to the top of the apartment, it was 3.30 am midnight. You wont expect to see anyone, my luck wasnt good.

For the 2nd, I am just fed up of life, and even moment before the attempt I just wanted to do smth. With nothing on me because as I mentioned, the suicide prevention services had thoroughly gone through my room with the permission from the hostels. I had nothing.
I knew it won't work but I also wished it did.
I wasnt in a stable mental state while doing it because I was and am still affected heavily cuz of my past drug abuse and hopeless state of my life.

Thank you for showing concerns.

 

[Uruma shun]

Ngl I forgot who you even are

It's completely fine, I didn't start revolution or had a major impact on the forum. I am just another one of victims of society like every other user here.

 

[Uruma shun]

Here's a few philosophy videos/channels I like, maybe you can gleam something from them. Especially the notion of pain as an inherently bad thing (when it's not), as the palliative society video describes, I'm nearly finished with the essay after watching that video. What do you think the future holds for you? Maybe a different perspective via philosophy can give you a different view on your future.

I appreciate your kindness and a helping hand, I will surely read them.
As far as I have ventured into philosophy
I guess I lean more towards anarchism, existentialism, nihilism and some aspect of libertarianism

And feel like I won't really be a die hard follower of any of them as I study more about them, would be more of a mix of them with some positive and some negative parts

 

[Uruma shun]

Read everything brutal brother hope it gets better

Thank you for your kind words, even though I have given up on better days but I still hope my comeback to my uncles house becomes a turning point in my life.
I still wanna complete my mbbs but again there is no signsmof motivation or an urge to do it.
But I will try one last time

 

[rekamaður]

Sounds sad. I’m glad you found hobbies at least. They are a good cope
I don’t want to sound like some preachy life advice guru but at least personally having an ambitious goal with these hobbies helps. Eg, if you’re into reading philosophy, writing a philosophy book of your own. If you’re into gaming and programming, modding games at first and later making your own game.
It’s always been cruel to me to force someone who doesn’t want to live to live. Just giving someone who hates everything about their life and is suffering medication and thinking it cures everything. But you do seem like you’re better so that’s good.
People will be assholes tbh. It’s hard to recover when your family is. But be grateful for the good humanity has done too. If not for human inventions chad with a rock would’ve beaten us to death or we’d be slaves

 

[Uruma shun]

What putting women on a pedestal does to a mofo. Be more careful if you ever decide to experience the nightlife. You need some street smarts, dude, or you won't survive. Protect your meat.

You don't wanna get any stds. You don't wanna get some random woman pregnant. Don't start kissing women you don't know either. Many women flirt with single men to scam or rob them, especially if they are alone. That's all, player. Don't be an easy target. I wish you the best.

Thanks for the advice, even though am still 18 I know the dire consequences of acting on impulse.

But I also urge you to take it into consideration I am and still a khhv, desperation was obvious, and girl wasnt a beauty either, she was average and felt like a match for me. I was deluded by my own thoughts and hopes.

This has happened once in my school days but I overlooked and made thr same mistake.

Welp I doubt any girl is ever gonna love me anyways lol, incel, ugly, mixed mutt, poor, micropenis, outcasted by his own family, suicide attemptee.

 

[TigerFestival]

Ouch! The nastiest part is the girl being dared into being your GF. That's just straight up


I'll never understand people who take pleasure out of playing with someone else's emotions like that, ESPECIALLY if it's obvious that individual is lonely and sad. People fucking suck!!!

 

[burn]

Thank you for your kind words, even though I have given up on better days but I still hope my comeback to my uncles house becomes a turning point in my life.
I still wanna complete my mbbs but again there is no signsmof motivation or an urge to do it.
But I will try one last time

For sure try one more time ur still 18 im the same age still full of copes aint over yet

 

[tomaasbrk]

I'll never understand people who take pleasure out of playing with someone else's emotions like that, ESPECIALLY if it's obvious that individual is lonely and sad. People fucking suck!!!

Normgroid behavior, no logic at all but sadism. They love kicking down already unfortunate people to ensure that they stay down. That way normies can continue with their "just world" fallacy.

 

[Unemployed]

But I also urge you to take it into consideration I am and still a khhv, desperation was obvious, and girl wasnt a beauty either, she was average and felt like a match for me. I was deluded by my own thoughts and hopes. This has happened once in my school days but I overlooked and made thr same mistake.

Yeah, whatever, dude. Just don't think that any sane woman would start making out with a stranger in the middle of a class. All of your warning bells should go off – stuff like that just doesn't happen. A woman who is interested might come talk to you, but no one, absolutely no one, will start kissing you right then and there.

It may happen in nightlife, but even then, you need to be super suspicious, especially if you're alone. Mobs and psycho women are often looking for easy marks. Guys who are alone. Guys who seem like inexperienced dorks. Guys who are intoxicated and vulnerable.

It's much safer to be the one who makes the first move. You should be the one to approach women, not the other way around.

 

[burn]

Yeah, whatever, dude. Just don't think that any sane woman would start making out with a stranger in the middle of a class. All of your warning bells should go off – stuff like that just doesn't happen. A woman who is interested might come talk to you, but no one, absolutely no one, will start kissing you right then and there.

It may happen in nightlife, but even then, you need to be super suspicious, especially if you're alone. Mobs and psycho women are often looking for easy marks. Guys who are alone. Guys who seem like inexperienced dorks. Guys who are intoxicated and vulnerable.

It's much safer to be the one who makes the first move. You should be the one to approach women, not the other way around.

Reading this in HHHs voice good advice tho

 

[Lain]

I appreciate your kindness and a helping hand, I will surely read them.
As far as I have ventured into philosophy
I guess I lean more towards anarchism, existentialism, nihilism and some aspect of libertarianism

And feel like I won't really be a die hard follower of any of them as I study more about them, would be more of a mix of them with some positive and some negative parts

Check out Alan Watts specifically, tripping on LSD and listening to him helped me out a lot, the blurring/temporary absence of my ego + his words that describe what the universe is seemingly like is deeply relaxing on a psychological level.