Venting Losing my last vestige of social life

[Hobbit]

Well, it seems as though my time is running out with my social work organisation. This is the only time I ever leave the house apart from with my mum. I will have nobody IRL once my time runs out with this organisation. Not even my family contacts me and lets me know of happenings with my grandparents or with themselves. I am a complete and utter black sheep. It makes me think of dying but as Satou says in Welcome to the NHK, dying is a pain in the ass too.
I made a complaint about my social worker for taking phone calls during our supports, never arriving on time, and then completely abandoning one support WE HAD BOOKED for a new client. But then when her boss called me, he basically told me I need to sit down with them and discuss it and arrange some "focused goals." They've never had a problem with me being on the program longer than most people (most people are only on it for 2 years) before I made the complaint. Not only that, the boss told me that a girl that's been on the program for a while is no longer on it when I told him about her being on it longer than me - but he is either straight-up lying about discharging her from said program, or something sus is going on there, because she's been attending lunch groups and social outings, including in the last couple of weeks.
I'm just sick of it. I feel like everyone treads on me and treats me like I'm a worthless loser. Granted, I probably am a worthless loser, but it just makes me feel horrible. Sometimes I feel like crying because of how isolated I am. None of my family - including my mum, who will probably be the last person I see actively IRL anymore once my time runs out with the program - even listens to me and shrugs off all my problems and concerns. I don't even understand where I went wrong with these people. It feels like I'm invisible. It makes me wonder, "Do I even exist?" But I know I must. I can see my reflection in the mirror and I talk to my friends online. (Which is the only time I ever socialise - when I'm logged into Discord or WhatsApp.)
To make matters worse, it's possible that my grandfather has lung cancer now (he's already had cancer in multiple parts of his body such as lymph nodes and bowel).
It seems like my life can't get any worse than where it currently is now. My only ray of of light is God and my online friends. (This includes you guys.)
Sorry for the vent post, I just feel so trapped and like I have nothing going for me. Fuck, man. I'm even an ugly piece of shit inside and out. I should be grateful for what I have (mid-to-high end PC, my animals, my online friends, my girlfriend)... but I'm just not. There's something missing.
Anyway, sorry for the long-winded post. Felt I needed to get this off my chest and none of my friends are online. I'll probably show this to some of them so they know what's going on with me, but otherwise I just feel at a loss.
God bless.

 

[Thadman]

Whats going on Hobbit? This was unexpected, you seemed just fine the other day.

Hope you don't feel like we are ghosting and making you feel unimportant.

 

[Isle of Sippy]

my girlfriend

dnr fakecel

 

[Hobbit]

Whats going on Hobbit? This was unexpected, you seemed just fine the other day.

Hope you don't feel like we are ghosting and making you feel unimportant.

Been gradually going downhill. My antipsychotic injection is due soon but there's a glimmer of light on the horizon: my meds have been adjusted so I'll finally be at a "stable" dose. Of course, the psychiatrist I saw was USELESS and didn't give a fuck. I took it up with my based GP (surprisingly, he's Indian) and he was understanding and put it back up to 100mg a month. (It's an injection, like I said, and slow release.) Found out my pop has possibly got cancer last night, so I think that's what's setting me off too. He's like my father. I wish I had a dad but I never got one. I've always told myself I'm not going to repeat my father's mistakes with his children. I will be the man my father is not.
I digress.
It isn't that you guys are "ghosting" me and making me feel unimportant or anything. Quite the opposite. I'd have literally nothing bar a few social interactions here and there without you guys and @Moondust and I's server.

 

[Thadman]

I took it up with my based GP (surprisingly, he's Indian) and he was understanding and put it back up to 100mg a month

Oh the absolute irony, just like how the lawyer who defended gypsycrusader and had him released early was a jew.

Jokes aside, glad to hear that he understood and managed to get your situation in control.

It isn't that you guys are "ghosting" me and making me feel unimportant or anything. Quite the opposite. I'd have literally nothing bar a few social interactions here and there without you guys and @Moondust and I's server.

My only social interactions are through .net DMs or shitcord, it might vary by person but you get used to it after some time. Internet interactions are still real interactions, its more then just a bunch of pixels on a screen.

 

[Tabula Rasa]

I hope your grandfather's condition isn't too serious and if there's no possibility of recovery that you can spend quality time together for the remainder of his life.

 

[Hobbit]

Oh the absolute irony, just like how the lawyer who defended gypsycrusader and had him released early was a jew.

Jokes aside, glad to hear that he understood and managed to get your situation in control.

JFL yeah. I didn't know that about GypsyCrusader's lawyer, though. That's pretty interesting.

My only social interactions are through .net DMs or shitcord, it might vary by person but you get used to it after some time. Internet interactions are still real interactions, its more then just a bunch of pixels on a screen.

I guess I'm more of a social butterfly. Too much offline isolation gets me antsy and freaked out. I also have insecurities about feeling unimportant. I want to be needed or wanted by somebody. My girlfriend, maybe, but right now that's up in the air. It just feels like I'm not important or necessary to anyone's life.

I hope your grandfather's condition isn't too serious and if there's no possibility of recovery that you can spend quality time together for the remainder of his life.

He has dementia so we know that his time is running out. But I'm just hoping he doesn't die a painful death as cancer can be extremely painful for those inflicted with it. I'm hoping it's just a cyst or something. They're testing the mass in his lung on Thursday by taking a sample with a needle and testing it in the lab. I pray to God he doesn't have cancer again. He's already going through a lot, he doesn't need it.