Maltodextrincel
NEET
- Apr 5, 2024
- 442
Big Trouble in Big Texas
On September 29th of 2024 at 9:30 AM, NEETs.net moderation member @IGiveUp was hanged by the neck until dead summarily after a brief trial at Guantanamo Bay's detention camp. Up until his last words and timely death, he begged the guards for a retrial and profusely apologized for his horrific crimes. Judge Advocate General @Unemployed was wholly unconvinced of his sincerity. He delivered a swift verdict: Death at the gallows.
Previously during the early morning of September 28th, IGiveUp's Hacienda on the border of Texas and Mexico was raided by FBI agents. 5,000 pounds of cocaine, 3,000 pounds of heroin, 500 pounds of Fentanyl, along with 2,000 pounds of illegal African bushmeats consisting of pangolins, pouched rats, and lemurs were found buried among human remains in a crypt beneath his home.
IGiveUp was shortly imprisoned at the El Paso County Detention Facility. An expedient extradition took place towards Guantanamo Bay for a trial before Judge Advocate General Unemployed.
Within an hour of the proceedings, IGiveUp was found guilty of:
-Traitorous activity against Our Democracy through leading an online community of seditiously jobless incels
-Possession of controlled substances with the intent to sell
-Possession of protected animals with the intent to consume
-Making inauthentic tacos for his houseguests like an Ohioan gringo
He was to be executed the next morning.
Judge Advocate General Unemployed denied his final meal request of Latinx Carnitas and Tamales.
JAG reportedly told the following to IGiveUp:
"I get meals when I can, or I have protein shakes. But you, my friend, are having a shake of bad luck today."
He was instead given stale bread crumbs and curdled milk.
During the dawn of September 29th, GITMO guards from the 525th Military Police Battalion dragged IGiveUp from his solitary cell, kicking and screaming up the gallows steps. A noose was fastened. The former NEETs.net moderator pleaded for mercy, looking into Unemployed's eyes for just a splinter of forgiveness. The Judge Advocate General noticed his desperate stare, and growled:
"If eyes are the window to the soul, you're not going to like the view."
The lever was pulled. The trapdoor snapped open. IGiveUp struggled for a few moments before he breathed his last.
He was hastily buried in a haphazard grave marked by an etched cross, reading:
"Here lies IGiveUp. Traitor, Mexican, former NEETs.net mod. Formerly alive."
On September 29th of 2024 at 9:30 AM, NEETs.net moderation member @IGiveUp was hanged by the neck until dead summarily after a brief trial at Guantanamo Bay's detention camp. Up until his last words and timely death, he begged the guards for a retrial and profusely apologized for his horrific crimes. Judge Advocate General @Unemployed was wholly unconvinced of his sincerity. He delivered a swift verdict: Death at the gallows.
Previously during the early morning of September 28th, IGiveUp's Hacienda on the border of Texas and Mexico was raided by FBI agents. 5,000 pounds of cocaine, 3,000 pounds of heroin, 500 pounds of Fentanyl, along with 2,000 pounds of illegal African bushmeats consisting of pangolins, pouched rats, and lemurs were found buried among human remains in a crypt beneath his home.
IGiveUp was shortly imprisoned at the El Paso County Detention Facility. An expedient extradition took place towards Guantanamo Bay for a trial before Judge Advocate General Unemployed.
Within an hour of the proceedings, IGiveUp was found guilty of:
-Traitorous activity against Our Democracy through leading an online community of seditiously jobless incels
-Possession of controlled substances with the intent to sell
-Possession of protected animals with the intent to consume
-Making inauthentic tacos for his houseguests like an Ohioan gringo
He was to be executed the next morning.
Judge Advocate General Unemployed denied his final meal request of Latinx Carnitas and Tamales.
JAG reportedly told the following to IGiveUp:
"I get meals when I can, or I have protein shakes. But you, my friend, are having a shake of bad luck today."
He was instead given stale bread crumbs and curdled milk.
During the dawn of September 29th, GITMO guards from the 525th Military Police Battalion dragged IGiveUp from his solitary cell, kicking and screaming up the gallows steps. A noose was fastened. The former NEETs.net moderator pleaded for mercy, looking into Unemployed's eyes for just a splinter of forgiveness. The Judge Advocate General noticed his desperate stare, and growled:
"If eyes are the window to the soul, you're not going to like the view."
The lever was pulled. The trapdoor snapped open. IGiveUp struggled for a few moments before he breathed his last.
He was hastily buried in a haphazard grave marked by an etched cross, reading:
"Here lies IGiveUp. Traitor, Mexican, former NEETs.net mod. Formerly alive."
