Running out of time.

  • Thread starter anon1822thirdaccoun
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anon1822thirdaccoun

anon1822thirdaccoun

NEET
Nov 12, 2022
137
In my early 20s, it felt like I could take my time, as if rotting in my room wasn't exactly the end of the world. I was still young.

But now, at 27, I realize I have a lot less time than I thought. Because you see, the deadline isn't old age. No, no.

The real deadline is ~30. I've already missed out on a lot of quintessential milestones. But by 30, you've already been an adult for quite a while. People your age are not only married with children, but their children are already in school. They have mortgages, and they are several years into their careers. Sure, not everyone is at that level, but no one is as far behind as me. 0.001% are as far behind as me.

Cause even if I did get my shit together today, it's already very late. If a few more years pass, the women my age will already be old.... Sex and relationships are quintessential aspects of life, and yet I'll never get to be with a woman of a normal age. I don't even care about virginity or whatever, but I will end up never being with a woman under 30 years old.

And even if I did somehow get my shit together right now, I'm so far behind I can't catch up. What, getting some shit job and working out and going out to make friends? That's gonna fix my life? No, I'm fucked from all points of view. Friends-wise, I'm way too jaded to even care about people, I don't care about socializing. Plus, at this point people have had friends from many periods in their lives, whereas I have no social circle. Not that I even want one at this point.

But I guess the most painful one is the career aspect. I'll forever be a nobody at best. I'm so far behind. At least other people could maybe start new careers by going to college again. I can't, I've already been several times. Dropped out, then actually got my degrees. But I went for easy degrees with no value, much less for an antisocial autist. Maybe if you're an extroverted normie with connections you can do something with these degrees, but even then you'd need a whole bunch of other shit to make them worth anything. Therefore, not only am I so burned out on college that I can never possibly go back again, because I spent an ungodly amount of years there. But I also don't even have anything to show for it.

Fuck these essays, why do I even type this shit out? I"m just making myself more depressed. I should go watch more youtube and sitcoms and browse the internet and play games. That's obviously more important than anything. After all, it's the reason I'm in this predicament. Because I chose to do those things every waking hour instead of actually living life.

Can't even be mad at anybody, I did it to myself. Fuck, I hate myself.
 

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