Stuck, Lost, and hopeless (rant)

[napster?!]

For the better part of a year, I’ve gone through a pretty bad life crisis. I feel stuck, lost, and hopeless. I am questioning everything and it has gotten to a point where it is debilitating and taking away from every other aspect of my life. Everything has fallen apart. Reality seems so scary right now. And I don’t know what to do other than rant about my problems and hope someone can at least offer some guidance or perspective. I'm way too much of a pussy to talk to anyone irl about this. I'm also struggling to write out the insane amount of shit bothering me inside my head into something coherent and readable so I've tried my best to do the minimum amount of yapping possible.

I was homeschooled for all of my high school years and faced long periods of social isolation. I feel like this has permanently impacted my mental health and social skills. I have pretty bad social anxiety, haven't spoken to a girl my age in over 3 years, and feel completely unprepared for college in a few months. Obsessive and Deep-seated insecurities about the way I look and how others perceive me add to this. I feel socially stunted. Also, I spent most of my time in homeschool (virtual curriculum) barely trying and "learning" instead opting to cheat online and do the bare minimum. I still graduated with good grades, and most of my family around me considers and has always considered me to be someone "gifted" in intelligence, but, I'm still afraid I'm screwed for college. Especially in areas like math, where I've forgotten most of what I've previously learned. And because of the lack of a "regular" high school experience, I feel as if I've missed out on some truly pivotal life experiences. I never really got to be a teenager. I'm 20 next year and a virgin, have maybe 1 or 2 friends that both recently moved out of state for school. I feel like a complete loser, and I don't see how I can ever catch back-up on what I have missed. Anyone who knows me irl pities me, and views me as inferior. This insecurity I have of being a "loser" isn't just in my head then. It seems as if it's reality.

On top of this, I've been greatly affected by crippling existential angst. I've had periods of existential angst / crisis since I was 5, it comes and goes. But for about a year or so it has returned. Things relating too the impermanence of time, how tf I can live my life without wasting a single moment and opportunity and have 0 regrets, our finite mortality, the unavoidable nature of death, the process of aging, how quickly time flies, questions about reality and existence, knowledge, religion, meaninglessness, identity, science, true nature of the universe and reality, etc etc. And how fucked up the world seems vs how powerless I / we are fucks with me. I believe I may have some type of ocd / ocpd, but I'm afraid I've just realized the true nature of reality and cannot cope with it. On a good day, these worries and fears live in the back of my mind, and serve as sharp reminders of my fate, every time I get a small and rare sense of joy / hope, I'm quickly reminded of my fears and the angst kicks in, dwarfing any optimism. On a bad day though, I cannot get out of bed, It sucks the life out of me. It's like I view life through grey-tinted glasses. It all feels so mundane and futile. I don't know what to do. I don't know what or who can possibly help me with this angst. Only thing that works / has worked is distracting myself from these thoughts, an only temporary solution.

I have no idea wtf to do with my life. I don't know what I even want from life or who tf I am or supposed to be. Or what I should want / do / be. I only have one shot at this life shit and that is so immensely stressful. I feel like I'll waste it all away figuring out how to live. I've already wasted so much of the past on this. Valuable time I can NEVER relive or get back.I feel Completely disorientated. I've had passions, kind of still do, (soccer, music, film, content creation, etc.) but I've become so blackpilled when it comes to "dreams and passions". The odds of me finding financial success in any of those endeavors is remarbley slim. So what am I supposed to do? I want to be special. I want to be remarkable. I know it's childish and vain but It's what I desire. What if I'm not any of those things? What if I'll never be? I constantly daydream about this perfect chad version of me, living life to the fullest and having everything I've ever wanted. Being desired, and admired, respected, and loved. But in high likelihood that will never happen. The difference between my mundane reality and the expectations from these desires and daydreams is insane. Am I really doomed too going to my bang average state school, getting some BS finance degree that I will probably hate and spend the rest of my life working? Damn. And Ik I sound so stupid for even complaining about this. There are people that would kill to be where I am, there's fucking children starving in Palestine and I'm here crying about this bullshit. wow.

Finally, That's the end of my yap sesh, all of this shit I've talked about above has made life feel unlivable. Maybe I've discovered some ultimate truth that others seemingly learn to cope with / ignore. Or I'm just mentally ill and my brain is broken. Maybe a mix of both. But I have come to a point where it's hard for me to function day by day. It feels like I have chronic procrastination and 0 discipline. Might come from my "homeschool experience" or maybe is a regular repose to my fucked situation. "Why shouldn't I just fuck off and drown myself in YouTube videos and high-caloric slop too numb my brain". So yeah, I'm clueless as to what my next move is: maybe keep rotting, end it all (too afraid tho) or find a therapist. I've had experiences with therapy in the past, very negative, and I just feel as if It won't help me or solve all the shit bothering me. idk. I've tried the whole "self - improvement" thing and I just end up where I started. I get very overwhelmed. Things like goal setting trigger painful obssesive existential thoughts like "what goals do I set? How do ik they're the goals I should set? Are they realistic? Will they make me happier? Isn't the whole process of constant improvement and striving for goals futile and not the correct way to live? How do Ik this goal is true to me and what I want? What if I regret it later?" ..... Idk what to do.

 

[poorcel]

I'm just trying to get a job to cope

 

[Magonia]

i used ai to make the story more engaging so i could read it. in suprrised you can write so much and say so little.

If you can talk like that irl i think some girls might be into it. Maybe not as an introduction but like after they already want your dick.

you sound like a neetcel steriotype

You also dont sound like a straight man.

I cant help you cope with being an incel. I played Runescape when i was supposed to be slaying. It really numbed my lack of social life but turn off the computer and thats when the depression really hits.

Nothing wrong with being a neet, and if you need to be productive to live a fulfilling life there are neet jobs too, Many of them are are lone wolf stuff. Oh you already mentioned knowing this kinda stuff. Ok well i dont know why im bothering messaging someone who writes all that and not even a question that isnt rhetorical.

The air around me is stale, the scent of hopelessness and despair seemingly clinging to my every breath. I can also catch hints of sweat, a physical manifestation of the constant tension and stress I am feeling.“For the better part of a year, I've been plagued by a relentless crisis, one that has consumed my every thought and action. It has taken over my life, leaving me feeling trapped, directionless, and utterly hopeless. Every day is a struggle, as I question everything I thought I knew about myself and the world around me. I am lost in a sea of uncertainty, unable to find my bearings or gain any sense of control.

The world had crumbled around me, leaving behind a daunting reality that felt like something straight out of a horror story. I frantically searched for answers, desperate for someone to provide guidance or even just a glimmer of hope. But talking to anyone in person was out of the question, as fear and anxiety took control of my voice. The chaos in my mind was overwhelming, making it nearly impossible to form coherent thoughts, let alone articulate them. I could feel the darkness closing in, threatening to consume me entirely.

Lost and confused, I wandered through the dimly lit streets. A deep sense of dread washed over me as I contemplated my purpose in life. Who was I supposed to be? What was I meant to achieve? The thought of only having one chance at this world filled me with immense pressure and fear. It seemed like every decision I made could lead to a wasted life, a life that could never be relived or redeemed.

My mind was in chaos, pulled in different directions by my passions for soccer, music, film, and content creation. But even those once bright flames had been extinguished by the harsh reality of success rates and financial stability. The odds of me achieving greatness in any of these fields were slim, leaving me feeling hopeless and lost.

I yearned to be special, remarkable in some way. A vain desire, perhaps, but one that consumed my thoughts day and night. But what if I never reached that level of greatness? What if I was destined for a mediocre existence?

As I continued down the desolate streets, my imagination running wild, I couldn't help but envision a perfect version of myself - confident, successful, desired by all. But it was just a fantasy. In reality, I was stuck attending a mediocre state school and pursuing a degree in finance that I knew would bring me no joy.

The gap between my mundane reality and my wildest dreams seemed impossible to bridge. And yet, here I was, crying about it all while there were children starving in other parts of the world. It made me feel foolish for being consumed by such trivial matters. But in that moment, it felt like my entire future hung in the balance and the weight of it all was suffocating me.

Locked in the tower of my home, I was homeschooled for all of my high school years. The isolation and constant study drove me to the brink of madness. My mental health suffered, and my social skills withered away like rotting flowers. Social anxiety consumed me, and I avoided all contact with others, especially girls my age. As I prepare to enter college in a few months, I realize how unprepared I am for the real world. My deep-seated insecurities about my appearance and how others perceive me only add to my fears. In homeschool, I cheated my way through assignments and barely put forth any effort. Yet, I still graduated with top grades, leading my family to believe I am gifted. But deep down, I fear that I am lacking in many areas, especially math where my memory fails me. And as a result of my sheltered upbringing, I missed out on so many crucial life experiences. I never got to be a carefree teenager or explore the world beyond these walls. Now at 20 years old, still a virgin and with only one or two friends who have left for college elsewhere, I feel like an utter failure. Those who know me pity me and see me as inferior. This is not just in my head; it's a harsh reality that haunts me every day.

Ever since I was a child, I've been plagued by a dark curse - one that fills my mind with crippling existential angst. It comes in waves, but for the past year, it has returned with a vengeance. The thought of time slipping away, our inevitable mortality, and the true nature of reality consume me. I cannot escape these thoughts, they haunt my every waking moment. Some say it's a type of ocd or ocpd, but deep down, I fear it may be something more sinister. On good days, the worries lurk in the shadows, waiting to pounce on any sense of joy or hope that dares to surface. But on bad days, they consume me entirely, draining the life from me until I am nothing but a shell of my former self. The world is a cruel and unforgiving place, and I am powerless against its machinations. Life feels like a meaningless game, one that I cannot win. I am lost and alone in this never-ending nightmare, desperately searching for someone or something to save me from this eternal suffering.

My mind raced with terror as I frantically tried to piece together my purpose in life. Who was I meant to be? What should I strive for? The pressure of making the most out of my one and only shot at living was suffocating. Every moment wasted felt like a dagger piercing my soul, taunting me with the unreachable goal of reclaiming lost time.

I used to have passions, dreams even - soccer, music, film, content creation - but they all seemed futile now. My once bright optimism had been crushed by a merciless reality where success was reserved for the lucky few. And here I was, lost in a sea of mediocrity, yearning to stand out, to be special. But what if I never made it? What if I remained in this dull existence forever?

In my daydreams, I envisioned a perfect version of myself - confident, successful, admired by all. But deep down, I knew it was just that - a dream. The gap between my mundane reality and these fantasies became more apparent each day. Would I really settle for a mediocre education and a boring finance career? It felt like a death sentence.

But then I remembered the horrors that lurked beyond my trivial worries - children starving in war-torn countries, people struggling just to survive on a daily basis. And there I was, complaining about my privileged life. Guilt washed over me as the darkness surrounding my future seemed to devour me whole.

As I sit here, reliving my endless rant, I feel like I've uncovered a dangerous truth that has made life unbearable. Am I cursed with some dark knowledge that others have learned to ignore? Or perhaps it's just my twisted mind, driven insane by past trauma. I can barely function day to day, consumed by chronic procrastination and a lack of discipline. Could it be due to my unconventional homeschooling or is it simply a reaction to my fucked up situation? Sometimes I wonder if giving in and escaping into mindless distractions on YouTube and unhealthy junk food is the only way to numb the pain. But deep down, I know that's not the answer. So what's next for me? Do I continue rotting away, muster the courage to end it all (though the thought terrifies me), or seek help from a therapist? But even therapy seems futile to me, as I've had negative experiences in the past and doubt it can fix all the turmoil inside my head. And when I try to better myself through self-improvement methods, I get overwhelmed and haunted by existential doubts. What goals do I set? Are they the right ones for me? Will they truly bring happiness, or is this constant striving for improvement nothing but a fruitless pursuit? How do I know if these goals align with my true desires and won't become regrets in the future? The uncertainty and confusion consume me, leaving me lost in a never-ending fantasy of torment and despair.

 

[WestEuropoor]

For the better part of a year, I’ve gone through a pretty bad life crisis. I feel stuck, lost, and hopeless. I am questioning everything and it has gotten to a point where it is debilitating and taking away from every other aspect of my life. Everything has fallen apart. Reality seems so scary right now. And I don’t know what to do other than rant about my problems and hope someone can at least offer some guidance or perspective. I'm way too much of a pussy to talk to anyone irl about this. I'm also struggling to write out the insane amount of shit bothering me inside my head into something coherent and readable so I've tried my best to do the minimum amount of yapping possible.

I was homeschooled for all of my high school years and faced long periods of social isolation. I feel like this has permanently impacted my mental health and social skills. I have pretty bad social anxiety, haven't spoken to a girl my age in over 3 years, and feel completely unprepared for college in a few months. Obsessive and Deep-seated insecurities about the way I look and how others perceive me add to this. I feel socially stunted. Also, I spent most of my time in homeschool (virtual curriculum) barely trying and "learning" instead opting to cheat online and do the bare minimum. I still graduated with good grades, and most of my family around me considers and has always considered me to be someone "gifted" in intelligence, but, I'm still afraid I'm screwed for college. Especially in areas like math, where I've forgotten most of what I've previously learned. And because of the lack of a "regular" high school experience, I feel as if I've missed out on some truly pivotal life experiences. I never really got to be a teenager. I'm 20 next year and a virgin, have maybe 1 or 2 friends that both recently moved out of state for school. I feel like a complete loser, and I don't see how I can ever catch back-up on what I have missed. Anyone who knows me irl pities me, and views me as inferior. This insecurity I have of being a "loser" isn't just in my head then. It seems as if it's reality.

On top of this, I've been greatly affected by crippling existential angst. I've had periods of existential angst / crisis since I was 5, it comes and goes. But for about a year or so it has returned. Things relating too the impermanence of time, how tf I can live my life without wasting a single moment and opportunity and have 0 regrets, our finite mortality, the unavoidable nature of death, the process of aging, how quickly time flies, questions about reality and existence, knowledge, religion, meaninglessness, identity, science, true nature of the universe and reality, etc etc. And how fucked up the world seems vs how powerless I / we are fucks with me. I believe I may have some type of ocd / ocpd, but I'm afraid I've just realized the true nature of reality and cannot cope with it. On a good day, these worries and fears live in the back of my mind, and serve as sharp reminders of my fate, every time I get a small and rare sense of joy / hope, I'm quickly reminded of my fears and the angst kicks in, dwarfing any optimism. On a bad day though, I cannot get out of bed, It sucks the life out of me. It's like I view life through grey-tinted glasses. It all feels so mundane and futile. I don't know what to do. I don't know what or who can possibly help me with this angst. Only thing that works / has worked is distracting myself from these thoughts, an only temporary solution.

I have no idea wtf to do with my life. I don't know what I even want from life or who tf I am or supposed to be. Or what I should want / do / be. I only have one shot at this life shit and that is so immensely stressful. I feel like I'll waste it all away figuring out how to live. I've already wasted so much of the past on this. Valuable time I can NEVER relive or get back.I feel Completely disorientated. I've had passions, kind of still do, (soccer, music, film, content creation, etc.) but I've become so blackpilled when it comes to "dreams and passions". The odds of me finding financial success in any of those endeavors is remarbley slim. So what am I supposed to do? I want to be special. I want to be remarkable. I know it's childish and vain but It's what I desire. What if I'm not any of those things? What if I'll never be? I constantly daydream about this perfect chad version of me, living life to the fullest and having everything I've ever wanted. Being desired, and admired, respected, and loved. But in high likelihood that will never happen. The difference between my mundane reality and the expectations from these desires and daydreams is insane. Am I really doomed too going to my bang average state school, getting some BS finance degree that I will probably hate and spend the rest of my life working? Damn. And Ik I sound so stupid for even complaining about this. There are people that would kill to be where I am, there's fucking children starving in Palestine and I'm here crying about this bullshit. wow.

Finally, That's the end of my yap sesh, all of this shit I've talked about above has made life feel unlivable. Maybe I've discovered some ultimate truth that others seemingly learn to cope with / ignore. Or I'm just mentally ill and my brain is broken. Maybe a mix of both. But I have come to a point where it's hard for me to function day by day. It feels like I have chronic procrastination and 0 discipline. Might come from my "homeschool experience" or maybe is a regular repose to my fucked situation. "Why shouldn't I just fuck off and drown myself in YouTube videos and high-caloric slop too numb my brain". So yeah, I'm clueless as to what my next move is: maybe keep rotting, end it all (too afraid tho) or find a therapist. I've had experiences with therapy in the past, very negative, and I just feel as if It won't help me or solve all the shit bothering me. idk. I've tried the whole "self - improvement" thing and I just end up where I started. I get very overwhelmed. Things like goal setting trigger painful obssesive existential thoughts like "what goals do I set? How do ik they're the goals I should set? Are they realistic? Will they make me happier? Isn't the whole process of constant improvement and striving for goals futile and not the correct way to live? How do Ik this goal is true to me and what I want? What if I regret it later?" ..... Idk what to do.

 

[incelkingkong]

i unironically read it all

 

[Stim]

i used ai to make the story more engaging so i could read it. in suprrised you can write so much and say so little.

If you can talk like that irl i think some girls might be into it. Maybe not as an introduction but like after they already want your dick.

you sound like a neetcel steriotype

You also dont sound like a straight man.

I cant help you cope with being an incel. I played Runescape when i was supposed to be slaying. It really numbed my lack of social life but turn off the computer and thats when the depression really hits.

Nothing wrong with being a neet, and if you need to be productive to live a fulfilling life there are neet jobs too, Many of them are are lone wolf stuff. Oh you already mentioned knowing this kinda stuff. Ok well i dont know why im bothering messaging someone who writes all that and not even a question that isnt rhetorical.

The air around me is stale, the scent of hopelessness and despair seemingly clinging to my every breath. I can also catch hints of sweat, a physical manifestation of the constant tension and stress I am feeling.“For the better part of a year, I've been plagued by a relentless crisis, one that has consumed my every thought and action. It has taken over my life, leaving me feeling trapped, directionless, and utterly hopeless. Every day is a struggle, as I question everything I thought I knew about myself and the world around me. I am lost in a sea of uncertainty, unable to find my bearings or gain any sense of control.

The world had crumbled around me, leaving behind a daunting reality that felt like something straight out of a horror story. I frantically searched for answers, desperate for someone to provide guidance or even just a glimmer of hope. But talking to anyone in person was out of the question, as fear and anxiety took control of my voice. The chaos in my mind was overwhelming, making it nearly impossible to form coherent thoughts, let alone articulate them. I could feel the darkness closing in, threatening to consume me entirely.

Lost and confused, I wandered through the dimly lit streets. A deep sense of dread washed over me as I contemplated my purpose in life. Who was I supposed to be? What was I meant to achieve? The thought of only having one chance at this world filled me with immense pressure and fear. It seemed like every decision I made could lead to a wasted life, a life that could never be relived or redeemed.

My mind was in chaos, pulled in different directions by my passions for soccer, music, film, and content creation. But even those once bright flames had been extinguished by the harsh reality of success rates and financial stability. The odds of me achieving greatness in any of these fields were slim, leaving me feeling hopeless and lost.

I yearned to be special, remarkable in some way. A vain desire, perhaps, but one that consumed my thoughts day and night. But what if I never reached that level of greatness? What if I was destined for a mediocre existence?

As I continued down the desolate streets, my imagination running wild, I couldn't help but envision a perfect version of myself - confident, successful, desired by all. But it was just a fantasy. In reality, I was stuck attending a mediocre state school and pursuing a degree in finance that I knew would bring me no joy.

The gap between my mundane reality and my wildest dreams seemed impossible to bridge. And yet, here I was, crying about it all while there were children starving in other parts of the world. It made me feel foolish for being consumed by such trivial matters. But in that moment, it felt like my entire future hung in the balance and the weight of it all was suffocating me.

Locked in the tower of my home, I was homeschooled for all of my high school years. The isolation and constant study drove me to the brink of madness. My mental health suffered, and my social skills withered away like rotting flowers. Social anxiety consumed me, and I avoided all contact with others, especially girls my age. As I prepare to enter college in a few months, I realize how unprepared I am for the real world. My deep-seated insecurities about my appearance and how others perceive me only add to my fears. In homeschool, I cheated my way through assignments and barely put forth any effort. Yet, I still graduated with top grades, leading my family to believe I am gifted. But deep down, I fear that I am lacking in many areas, especially math where my memory fails me. And as a result of my sheltered upbringing, I missed out on so many crucial life experiences. I never got to be a carefree teenager or explore the world beyond these walls. Now at 20 years old, still a virgin and with only one or two friends who have left for college elsewhere, I feel like an utter failure. Those who know me pity me and see me as inferior. This is not just in my head; it's a harsh reality that haunts me every day.

Ever since I was a child, I've been plagued by a dark curse - one that fills my mind with crippling existential angst. It comes in waves, but for the past year, it has returned with a vengeance. The thought of time slipping away, our inevitable mortality, and the true nature of reality consume me. I cannot escape these thoughts, they haunt my every waking moment. Some say it's a type of ocd or ocpd, but deep down, I fear it may be something more sinister. On good days, the worries lurk in the shadows, waiting to pounce on any sense of joy or hope that dares to surface. But on bad days, they consume me entirely, draining the life from me until I am nothing but a shell of my former self. The world is a cruel and unforgiving place, and I am powerless against its machinations. Life feels like a meaningless game, one that I cannot win. I am lost and alone in this never-ending nightmare, desperately searching for someone or something to save me from this eternal suffering.

My mind raced with terror as I frantically tried to piece together my purpose in life. Who was I meant to be? What should I strive for? The pressure of making the most out of my one and only shot at living was suffocating. Every moment wasted felt like a dagger piercing my soul, taunting me with the unreachable goal of reclaiming lost time.

I used to have passions, dreams even - soccer, music, film, content creation - but they all seemed futile now. My once bright optimism had been crushed by a merciless reality where success was reserved for the lucky few. And here I was, lost in a sea of mediocrity, yearning to stand out, to be special. But what if I never made it? What if I remained in this dull existence forever?

In my daydreams, I envisioned a perfect version of myself - confident, successful, admired by all. But deep down, I knew it was just that - a dream. The gap between my mundane reality and these fantasies became more apparent each day. Would I really settle for a mediocre education and a boring finance career? It felt like a death sentence.

But then I remembered the horrors that lurked beyond my trivial worries - children starving in war-torn countries, people struggling just to survive on a daily basis. And there I was, complaining about my privileged life. Guilt washed over me as the darkness surrounding my future seemed to devour me whole.

As I sit here, reliving my endless rant, I feel like I've uncovered a dangerous truth that has made life unbearable. Am I cursed with some dark knowledge that others have learned to ignore? Or perhaps it's just my twisted mind, driven insane by past trauma. I can barely function day to day, consumed by chronic procrastination and a lack of discipline. Could it be due to my unconventional homeschooling or is it simply a reaction to my fucked up situation? Sometimes I wonder if giving in and escaping into mindless distractions on YouTube and unhealthy junk food is the only way to numb the pain. But deep down, I know that's not the answer. So what's next for me? Do I continue rotting away, muster the courage to end it all (though the thought terrifies me), or seek help from a therapist? But even therapy seems futile to me, as I've had negative experiences in the past and doubt it can fix all the turmoil inside my head. And when I try to better myself through self-improvement methods, I get overwhelmed and haunted by existential doubts. What goals do I set? Are they the right ones for me? Will they truly bring happiness, or is this constant striving for improvement nothing but a fruitless pursuit? How do I know if these goals align with my true desires and won't become regrets in the future? The uncertainty and confusion consume me, leaving me lost in a never-ending fantasy of torment and despair.

Bro, did you seriously just copy his post, run it through ChatGPT, and paste it on your comment? What's even the point of doing that?

It's just taking up unnecessary space.

 

[Magonia]

Bro, did you seriously just copy his post, run it through ChatGPT, and paste it on your comment? What's even the point of doing that?

It's just taking up unnecessary space.

no

but your complaint is valid. I had to do it for myself so i shared.

i posted it for those that liked it so much they wanted a remix.

 

[Stim]

For the better part of a year, I’ve gone through a pretty bad life crisis. I feel stuck, lost, and hopeless. I am questioning everything and it has gotten to a point where it is debilitating and taking away from every other aspect of my life. Everything has fallen apart. Reality seems so scary right now. And I don’t know what to do other than rant about my problems and hope someone can at least offer some guidance or perspective. I'm way too much of a pussy to talk to anyone irl about this. I'm also struggling to write out the insane amount of shit bothering me inside my head into something coherent and readable so I've tried my best to do the minimum amount of yapping possible.

I was homeschooled for all of my high school years and faced long periods of social isolation. I feel like this has permanently impacted my mental health and social skills. I have pretty bad social anxiety, haven't spoken to a girl my age in over 3 years, and feel completely unprepared for college in a few months. Obsessive and Deep-seated insecurities about the way I look and how others perceive me add to this. I feel socially stunted. Also, I spent most of my time in homeschool (virtual curriculum) barely trying and "learning" instead opting to cheat online and do the bare minimum. I still graduated with good grades, and most of my family around me considers and has always considered me to be someone "gifted" in intelligence, but, I'm still afraid I'm screwed for college. Especially in areas like math, where I've forgotten most of what I've previously learned. And because of the lack of a "regular" high school experience, I feel as if I've missed out on some truly pivotal life experiences. I never really got to be a teenager. I'm 20 next year and a virgin, have maybe 1 or 2 friends that both recently moved out of state for school. I feel like a complete loser, and I don't see how I can ever catch back-up on what I have missed. Anyone who knows me irl pities me, and views me as inferior. This insecurity I have of being a "loser" isn't just in my head then. It seems as if it's reality.

On top of this, I've been greatly affected by crippling existential angst. I've had periods of existential angst / crisis since I was 5, it comes and goes. But for about a year or so it has returned. Things relating too the impermanence of time, how tf I can live my life without wasting a single moment and opportunity and have 0 regrets, our finite mortality, the unavoidable nature of death, the process of aging, how quickly time flies, questions about reality and existence, knowledge, religion, meaninglessness, identity, science, true nature of the universe and reality, etc etc. And how fucked up the world seems vs how powerless I / we are fucks with me. I believe I may have some type of ocd / ocpd, but I'm afraid I've just realized the true nature of reality and cannot cope with it. On a good day, these worries and fears live in the back of my mind, and serve as sharp reminders of my fate, every time I get a small and rare sense of joy / hope, I'm quickly reminded of my fears and the angst kicks in, dwarfing any optimism. On a bad day though, I cannot get out of bed, It sucks the life out of me. It's like I view life through grey-tinted glasses. It all feels so mundane and futile. I don't know what to do. I don't know what or who can possibly help me with this angst. Only thing that works / has worked is distracting myself from these thoughts, an only temporary solution.

I have no idea wtf to do with my life. I don't know what I even want from life or who tf I am or supposed to be. Or what I should want / do / be. I only have one shot at this life shit and that is so immensely stressful. I feel like I'll waste it all away figuring out how to live. I've already wasted so much of the past on this. Valuable time I can NEVER relive or get back.I feel Completely disorientated. I've had passions, kind of still do, (soccer, music, film, content creation, etc.) but I've become so blackpilled when it comes to "dreams and passions". The odds of me finding financial success in any of those endeavors is remarbley slim. So what am I supposed to do? I want to be special. I want to be remarkable. I know it's childish and vain but It's what I desire. What if I'm not any of those things? What if I'll never be? I constantly daydream about this perfect chad version of me, living life to the fullest and having everything I've ever wanted. Being desired, and admired, respected, and loved. But in high likelihood that will never happen. The difference between my mundane reality and the expectations from these desires and daydreams is insane. Am I really doomed too going to my bang average state school, getting some BS finance degree that I will probably hate and spend the rest of my life working? Damn. And Ik I sound so stupid for even complaining about this. There are people that would kill to be where I am, there's fucking children starving in Palestine and I'm here crying about this bullshit. wow.

Finally, That's the end of my yap sesh, all of this shit I've talked about above has made life feel unlivable. Maybe I've discovered some ultimate truth that others seemingly learn to cope with / ignore. Or I'm just mentally ill and my brain is broken. Maybe a mix of both. But I have come to a point where it's hard for me to function day by day. It feels like I have chronic procrastination and 0 discipline. Might come from my "homeschool experience" or maybe is a regular repose to my fucked situation. "Why shouldn't I just fuck off and drown myself in YouTube videos and high-caloric slop too numb my brain". So yeah, I'm clueless as to what my next move is: maybe keep rotting, end it all (too afraid tho) or find a therapist. I've had experiences with therapy in the past, very negative, and I just feel as if It won't help me or solve all the shit bothering me. idk. I've tried the whole "self - improvement" thing and I just end up where I started. I get very overwhelmed. Things like goal setting trigger painful obssesive existential thoughts like "what goals do I set? How do ik they're the goals I should set? Are they realistic? Will they make me happier? Isn't the whole process of constant improvement and striving for goals futile and not the correct way to live? How do Ik this goal is true to me and what I want? What if I regret it later?" ..... Idk what to do.

napster?!​

NEET
Joined Apr 16, 2024
Last seen Tuesday at 4:56 PM
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Strong first post, brother.

 

[Isle of Sippy]

For the better part of a year, I’ve gone through a pretty bad life crisis. I feel stuck, lost, and hopeless. I am questioning everything and it has gotten to a point where it is debilitating and taking away from every other aspect of my life. Everything has fallen apart. Reality seems so scary right now. And I don’t know what to do other than rant about my problems and hope someone can at least offer some guidance or perspective. I'm way too much of a pussy to talk to anyone irl about this. I'm also struggling to write out the insane amount of shit bothering me inside my head into something coherent and readable so I've tried my best to do the minimum amount of yapping possible.

I was homeschooled for all of my high school years and faced long periods of social isolation. I feel like this has permanently impacted my mental health and social skills. I have pretty bad social anxiety, haven't spoken to a girl my age in over 3 years, and feel completely unprepared for college in a few months. Obsessive and Deep-seated insecurities about the way I look and how others perceive me add to this. I feel socially stunted. Also, I spent most of my time in homeschool (virtual curriculum) barely trying and "learning" instead opting to cheat online and do the bare minimum. I still graduated with good grades, and most of my family around me considers and has always considered me to be someone "gifted" in intelligence, but, I'm still afraid I'm screwed for college. Especially in areas like math, where I've forgotten most of what I've previously learned. And because of the lack of a "regular" high school experience, I feel as if I've missed out on some truly pivotal life experiences. I never really got to be a teenager. I'm 20 next year and a virgin, have maybe 1 or 2 friends that both recently moved out of state for school. I feel like a complete loser, and I don't see how I can ever catch back-up on what I have missed. Anyone who knows me irl pities me, and views me as inferior. This insecurity I have of being a "loser" isn't just in my head then. It seems as if it's reality.

On top of this, I've been greatly affected by crippling existential angst. I've had periods of existential angst / crisis since I was 5, it comes and goes. But for about a year or so it has returned. Things relating too the impermanence of time, how tf I can live my life without wasting a single moment and opportunity and have 0 regrets, our finite mortality, the unavoidable nature of death, the process of aging, how quickly time flies, questions about reality and existence, knowledge, religion, meaninglessness, identity, science, true nature of the universe and reality, etc etc. And how fucked up the world seems vs how powerless I / we are fucks with me. I believe I may have some type of ocd / ocpd, but I'm afraid I've just realized the true nature of reality and cannot cope with it. On a good day, these worries and fears live in the back of my mind, and serve as sharp reminders of my fate, every time I get a small and rare sense of joy / hope, I'm quickly reminded of my fears and the angst kicks in, dwarfing any optimism. On a bad day though, I cannot get out of bed, It sucks the life out of me. It's like I view life through grey-tinted glasses. It all feels so mundane and futile. I don't know what to do. I don't know what or who can possibly help me with this angst. Only thing that works / has worked is distracting myself from these thoughts, an only temporary solution.

I have no idea wtf to do with my life. I don't know what I even want from life or who tf I am or supposed to be. Or what I should want / do / be. I only have one shot at this life shit and that is so immensely stressful. I feel like I'll waste it all away figuring out how to live. I've already wasted so much of the past on this. Valuable time I can NEVER relive or get back.I feel Completely disorientated. I've had passions, kind of still do, (soccer, music, film, content creation, etc.) but I've become so blackpilled when it comes to "dreams and passions". The odds of me finding financial success in any of those endeavors is remarbley slim. So what am I supposed to do? I want to be special. I want to be remarkable. I know it's childish and vain but It's what I desire. What if I'm not any of those things? What if I'll never be? I constantly daydream about this perfect chad version of me, living life to the fullest and having everything I've ever wanted. Being desired, and admired, respected, and loved. But in high likelihood that will never happen. The difference between my mundane reality and the expectations from these desires and daydreams is insane. Am I really doomed too going to my bang average state school, getting some BS finance degree that I will probably hate and spend the rest of my life working? Damn. And Ik I sound so stupid for even complaining about this. There are people that would kill to be where I am, there's fucking children starving in Palestine and I'm here crying about this bullshit. wow.

Finally, That's the end of my yap sesh, all of this shit I've talked about above has made life feel unlivable. Maybe I've discovered some ultimate truth that others seemingly learn to cope with / ignore. Or I'm just mentally ill and my brain is broken. Maybe a mix of both. But I have come to a point where it's hard for me to function day by day. It feels like I have chronic procrastination and 0 discipline. Might come from my "homeschool experience" or maybe is a regular repose to my fucked situation. "Why shouldn't I just fuck off and drown myself in YouTube videos and high-caloric slop too numb my brain". So yeah, I'm clueless as to what my next move is: maybe keep rotting, end it all (too afraid tho) or find a therapist. I've had experiences with therapy in the past, very negative, and I just feel as if It won't help me or solve all the shit bothering me. idk. I've tried the whole "self - improvement" thing and I just end up where I started. I get very overwhelmed. Things like goal setting trigger painful obssesive existential thoughts like "what goals do I set? How do ik they're the goals I should set? Are they realistic? Will they make me happier? Isn't the whole process of constant improvement and striving for goals futile and not the correct way to live? How do Ik this goal is true to me and what I want? What if I regret it later?" ..... Idk what to do.

i used ai to make the story more engaging so i could read it. in suprrised you can write so much and say so little.

Brainrot.