
Based Vampire
Sleep late, and read trashy books!
- Mar 23, 2023
- 5,951
Previous chapters:
[CHAPTER 1] A MYSTERIOUS ENVELOPE
The next morning KARININ bought a VIP plane ticket and packed his bags in preparation for the trip. By noon he was almost ready to depart for Frankfrut where he was supposed to meet the mysterious person who contacted him the day before. So there he was, standing in his crappy dusty apartment, checking his luggage again before the departure.
KARININ: Let's see... ketamine, coffee pills, laptop, worn smelly socks, some shirts, my credit card, granddad's cologne, a neck tie, my collection of hiter yaoi doujinshi... aaand my academic notes. Okay, this must be IT! Ah, but of course! Let me also bring some of that anti-flu chinese deer penis powder that my grandma sent me a while ago. Might come in handy!
Our hero was finally ready for the journey. With bags under his red eyes due to the lack of sleep and depression he put on his voyer-style trench coat, a grey fedora and left the house with the luggage, caught a taxi and proceeded to the International London Chinatown Airport. A couple of hours later he boarded his flight to Frankfrut. He stuffed himself with alcohol and food while on the flight. At long last, he arrived at the Frankfrut Airport. As he approached the exit he was met by two ugly ass looking bulls @guuguugaagaa and @inel .
inel: you must be professor karinin. We have been expecting you. Welcome sir. And please, come with us.
KARININ: *must be his henchmen. Ugly looking mother fuckers. Just who is this man 'J'? What have I gotten myself into here?* - he thought to himself
The three of them got inside a limo and drove through the countryside for about an hour, before Karinin saw a dreadful black castle on the hill and flying banners with sun-like symbols and werid occult markings on them. The limo drove right through the castle gatehouse and stopped.
One of the henchmen opened the limo's door for Karinin and escorted him inside. Soon enough, the esteemed chink professor found himself in a giant throne room, standing in front of a dark gothic-looking throne on a pedestal. In a few minutes, a well-dressed middle aged twink-like man entered the throne room through the back door. As he approached his throne he spoke:
Well-dressed man: Ah, professor karinin! You've finally arrived. I am so excited to see you! I trust you were able to afford a comfortable journey with the money that I provided you? And I hope that my men there showed you the respect you deserve...
Karinin: yes, thank you. sir, they d-d-did, they rea-..
Well-dressed man: Now, let's get to the business. But first, let me introduce myself. My name is @johan. I am known for a lot of things, but what is important for us now is that I am a passionate student of german history and lord of this castle. By chance, the current interest of my study happens to be the topic of your research. And I do not mean your academic work, professor Karinin. I am talking about your self-published works.
Karinin: So, you've read them? All the editions of my self-published books were limited to a number of a few hundred copies...
johan: yes, yes, how sad it is that such diligent and rigorous research doesn't get the recognition that it deserves. I am also aware that you were kicked out of academia and shunned from public intellectual life because of your free-spirited research that these academics with their nose-up attitude refused to acknowledge. Pathetic mutts! I found your exploration of hitler's connection to homoerotic ritual magic to be particularly thought-provoking...
Karinin: why, thank you sir...
johan: but please, address me by my name, my dear professor.
Karinin: yes si-... I mean yes, mr. johan. I am very fond of your appreciation of my scholarship, but what is it exactly that you need me to do? All this secrecy, all these money? How is this connected to my research?
johan: you are a humble one. I expected no less. Straight to the point, then? As I mentioned, your papers on hitler's connection to homoerotic ritual magic have truly sparkled my interest in the topic! Even though I am but a humble student, I am aspiring to become a scholar myself and I've used a lot of my resources to finance a dozen of archaeological expeditions all across the world. Interestingly enough, during one of such expeditions some of my men have discovered rather... curious documentation. It's content is obscure to me, but its style clearly fits the homoerotic ritual magic texts you've surveyed in your hitler books. You are one of the few specialists in the world who knows of their existence...
Karinin: Is that so? This is... this is amazing!!! Please, do go on!
johan: yes. Please, professor. Let me show you to my study room.
Karinin and johan proceeded to the study room. Karinin began reading the documents frantically.
johan: Using my limited abilities I was able to come up with a rough understanding of the text's symbolism and coded messages. It would seem that during the last days of the reich just before the fall of berlin a group of high-ranking nazi operatives set out on a dangerous expedition carrying a mysterious artifact of great power in order to safeguard it against the soviets. According to my interpretation this artifact is...
Karinin: Hitler's mummified penius... it... it cannot be!
john: yes, professor. Just like you describe it in your 'Decoding the mystery of Hitler's last days'. In that book you speculated that the expedition ended up hiding the penius somewhere in South America. With these documents that my men have discovered we now have a direct confirmation not only of The Penius's existence, but of its exact location!
Karinin: I cannot believe my own eyes, mr. johan. And you need my historical expertise to recover this legendary artifact?
john: Precisely. I want you to study the documents in depth and see if you can come up with a more precise location. Then I want you to lead an expedition there and uncover the legendary Hitler's Mummified Penius. You will be well compensated for your efforts professor. I don't think I need to mention that what we're doing here is barely legal. The government does not know about this. Let's keep it that way.
Karinin: but may I ask you what do you plan to do with the penius? If the stories I've collected in my books are true then this artifact is of tremendous powe-..
johan: THAT is none of your concern, professor. What I'm offering you here is something bigger and deeper than mere money. I offer you an opportunity here. An opportunity to become a part of history by uncovering the lost occultic artifact. Our names will be remembered by generations to come. I can assure you that I have only noble scholarly intentions in mind. In case you need an even greater reward, I suppose I could also offer you an unlimited access to my twink dungeon, if that's what you wish...
Karinin: Errr, no sir, I'm not interested in your twink dungeon, but... I cannot decline the opportunity to become a part of history. I understand, yes!!! Now I understand everything! No amount of money will replace the joy and honor of recovering Hitler's Penius! *Besides, it needs to be confirmed first that the Penius indeed has magical powers (- karinin thought to himself)* This research and expedition will be the PINNACLE of my intellectual exploration! My greatest prize yet!!! I'm so glad you've contacted me, mr. johan. According to my reading of the documents the Penius is hidden somewhere in Central Andes, in Bolivia.
johan: That is... amazing! I knew you are a professional, but to imagine you uncovering the truth so quickly. I've pondered this for weeks and couldn't find the answer. You are an amazing man, professor karinin. I trust you will do your duty. My men are ready.
Karinin: Thank you, mr. johan. But there is one more thing.
johan: well, what is it?
Karinin: I cannot do this alone. I need to assemble my old friends and colleagues before we start the expedition. Their skills will prove invaluable during this.
johan: are my men not good enough? Just who are these friends of yours?
Karinin: with all due respect, mr. johan. They are all skilled operatives and scholars. I ask you to trust my judgement. If you want me to do this, let me do this my way.
johan: very well. I give you a month. Travel around the world and assemble your team. I shall pay whatever expenses are deemed appropriate. Use my personal rainbow colored monster air jet. My henchmen will bring you all the necessary copies of the documents I have here.
Karinin: Thank you, mr. johan.
johan. You are dismissed, professor. Off you go now! Hurry! We have no time to waste! Men, show the professor out, please!
Karinin was quickly escorted out of the castle and given all the necessary document copies. A few hours later he boarded the rainbow colored air jet that belonged to johan.
Karinin: *Just yesterday my life was a waste. And now, look at me! Here I am, embarking on an epic quest for hitler's penius! I will soon have my own place in the annals of history! And I get to meet my old buddies again! How wonderful! Now I'm feeling ALIVE!* - karinin was daydreaming
air jet pilot: what is the course, professor? Where are we supposed to go to find your friends?
Karinin suddenly woke up from his day dreaming. He smiled at the pilot and said:
'We fly... to Moldova!'
To be continued...
[CHAPTER 1] A MYSTERIOUS ENVELOPE
THE ADVENTURES OF KARININ THE NEW JACKIE CHAN AND HIS FRIENDS
[CHAPTER 2]
A legendary artifact
[CHAPTER 2]
A legendary artifact
The next morning KARININ bought a VIP plane ticket and packed his bags in preparation for the trip. By noon he was almost ready to depart for Frankfrut where he was supposed to meet the mysterious person who contacted him the day before. So there he was, standing in his crappy dusty apartment, checking his luggage again before the departure.
KARININ: Let's see... ketamine, coffee pills, laptop, worn smelly socks, some shirts, my credit card, granddad's cologne, a neck tie, my collection of hiter yaoi doujinshi... aaand my academic notes. Okay, this must be IT! Ah, but of course! Let me also bring some of that anti-flu chinese deer penis powder that my grandma sent me a while ago. Might come in handy!
Our hero was finally ready for the journey. With bags under his red eyes due to the lack of sleep and depression he put on his voyer-style trench coat, a grey fedora and left the house with the luggage, caught a taxi and proceeded to the International London Chinatown Airport. A couple of hours later he boarded his flight to Frankfrut. He stuffed himself with alcohol and food while on the flight. At long last, he arrived at the Frankfrut Airport. As he approached the exit he was met by two ugly ass looking bulls @guuguugaagaa and @inel .
inel: you must be professor karinin. We have been expecting you. Welcome sir. And please, come with us.
KARININ: *must be his henchmen. Ugly looking mother fuckers. Just who is this man 'J'? What have I gotten myself into here?* - he thought to himself
The three of them got inside a limo and drove through the countryside for about an hour, before Karinin saw a dreadful black castle on the hill and flying banners with sun-like symbols and werid occult markings on them. The limo drove right through the castle gatehouse and stopped.
One of the henchmen opened the limo's door for Karinin and escorted him inside. Soon enough, the esteemed chink professor found himself in a giant throne room, standing in front of a dark gothic-looking throne on a pedestal. In a few minutes, a well-dressed middle aged twink-like man entered the throne room through the back door. As he approached his throne he spoke:
Well-dressed man: Ah, professor karinin! You've finally arrived. I am so excited to see you! I trust you were able to afford a comfortable journey with the money that I provided you? And I hope that my men there showed you the respect you deserve...
Karinin: yes, thank you. sir, they d-d-did, they rea-..
Well-dressed man: Now, let's get to the business. But first, let me introduce myself. My name is @johan. I am known for a lot of things, but what is important for us now is that I am a passionate student of german history and lord of this castle. By chance, the current interest of my study happens to be the topic of your research. And I do not mean your academic work, professor Karinin. I am talking about your self-published works.
Karinin: So, you've read them? All the editions of my self-published books were limited to a number of a few hundred copies...
johan: yes, yes, how sad it is that such diligent and rigorous research doesn't get the recognition that it deserves. I am also aware that you were kicked out of academia and shunned from public intellectual life because of your free-spirited research that these academics with their nose-up attitude refused to acknowledge. Pathetic mutts! I found your exploration of hitler's connection to homoerotic ritual magic to be particularly thought-provoking...
Karinin: why, thank you sir...
johan: but please, address me by my name, my dear professor.
Karinin: yes si-... I mean yes, mr. johan. I am very fond of your appreciation of my scholarship, but what is it exactly that you need me to do? All this secrecy, all these money? How is this connected to my research?
johan: you are a humble one. I expected no less. Straight to the point, then? As I mentioned, your papers on hitler's connection to homoerotic ritual magic have truly sparkled my interest in the topic! Even though I am but a humble student, I am aspiring to become a scholar myself and I've used a lot of my resources to finance a dozen of archaeological expeditions all across the world. Interestingly enough, during one of such expeditions some of my men have discovered rather... curious documentation. It's content is obscure to me, but its style clearly fits the homoerotic ritual magic texts you've surveyed in your hitler books. You are one of the few specialists in the world who knows of their existence...
Karinin: Is that so? This is... this is amazing!!! Please, do go on!
johan: yes. Please, professor. Let me show you to my study room.
Karinin and johan proceeded to the study room. Karinin began reading the documents frantically.
johan: Using my limited abilities I was able to come up with a rough understanding of the text's symbolism and coded messages. It would seem that during the last days of the reich just before the fall of berlin a group of high-ranking nazi operatives set out on a dangerous expedition carrying a mysterious artifact of great power in order to safeguard it against the soviets. According to my interpretation this artifact is...
Karinin: Hitler's mummified penius... it... it cannot be!
john: yes, professor. Just like you describe it in your 'Decoding the mystery of Hitler's last days'. In that book you speculated that the expedition ended up hiding the penius somewhere in South America. With these documents that my men have discovered we now have a direct confirmation not only of The Penius's existence, but of its exact location!
Karinin: I cannot believe my own eyes, mr. johan. And you need my historical expertise to recover this legendary artifact?
john: Precisely. I want you to study the documents in depth and see if you can come up with a more precise location. Then I want you to lead an expedition there and uncover the legendary Hitler's Mummified Penius. You will be well compensated for your efforts professor. I don't think I need to mention that what we're doing here is barely legal. The government does not know about this. Let's keep it that way.
Karinin: but may I ask you what do you plan to do with the penius? If the stories I've collected in my books are true then this artifact is of tremendous powe-..
johan: THAT is none of your concern, professor. What I'm offering you here is something bigger and deeper than mere money. I offer you an opportunity here. An opportunity to become a part of history by uncovering the lost occultic artifact. Our names will be remembered by generations to come. I can assure you that I have only noble scholarly intentions in mind. In case you need an even greater reward, I suppose I could also offer you an unlimited access to my twink dungeon, if that's what you wish...
Karinin: Errr, no sir, I'm not interested in your twink dungeon, but... I cannot decline the opportunity to become a part of history. I understand, yes!!! Now I understand everything! No amount of money will replace the joy and honor of recovering Hitler's Penius! *Besides, it needs to be confirmed first that the Penius indeed has magical powers (- karinin thought to himself)* This research and expedition will be the PINNACLE of my intellectual exploration! My greatest prize yet!!! I'm so glad you've contacted me, mr. johan. According to my reading of the documents the Penius is hidden somewhere in Central Andes, in Bolivia.
johan: That is... amazing! I knew you are a professional, but to imagine you uncovering the truth so quickly. I've pondered this for weeks and couldn't find the answer. You are an amazing man, professor karinin. I trust you will do your duty. My men are ready.
Karinin: Thank you, mr. johan. But there is one more thing.
johan: well, what is it?
Karinin: I cannot do this alone. I need to assemble my old friends and colleagues before we start the expedition. Their skills will prove invaluable during this.
johan: are my men not good enough? Just who are these friends of yours?
Karinin: with all due respect, mr. johan. They are all skilled operatives and scholars. I ask you to trust my judgement. If you want me to do this, let me do this my way.
johan: very well. I give you a month. Travel around the world and assemble your team. I shall pay whatever expenses are deemed appropriate. Use my personal rainbow colored monster air jet. My henchmen will bring you all the necessary copies of the documents I have here.
Karinin: Thank you, mr. johan.
johan. You are dismissed, professor. Off you go now! Hurry! We have no time to waste! Men, show the professor out, please!
Karinin was quickly escorted out of the castle and given all the necessary document copies. A few hours later he boarded the rainbow colored air jet that belonged to johan.
Karinin: *Just yesterday my life was a waste. And now, look at me! Here I am, embarking on an epic quest for hitler's penius! I will soon have my own place in the annals of history! And I get to meet my old buddies again! How wonderful! Now I'm feeling ALIVE!* - karinin was daydreaming
air jet pilot: what is the course, professor? Where are we supposed to go to find your friends?
Karinin suddenly woke up from his day dreaming. He smiled at the pilot and said:
'We fly... to Moldova!'
To be continued...
Last edited: