Polar-Z
so tiresome
- Aug 3, 2023
- 2,684
I don't know how to start with this, so I'll just write it down as I go. Probably not something some brocels wanna hear cuz some of you never got to experience any form of affection or a relationship, technically neither did I since my story is about a long distance relationship from childhood.
My autistic story began back in 2013, When Aot was quite popular, a guy named feng made an online multiplayer fan tribute game. At first I preferred playing solo since I lacked any intretss or online friends and I was extremely shy as a kid to the point even texting felt suffocating. then one day I decided to join a big server and see what it's like to have a shared experience in a place where I wouldn't awkwardly stand out like a loser even in a childish game. That was the day I met my first online friend. Probably the first kid to ever connect with both online or irl. His name was danny, an African-american geek who loved to draw dbz and mortal combat, teen titans art. Now back then I truly was a foreigner to western worldview and culture. A pure muslim ethnic type, thd kind with no dream or hobbies of their own. See, most of the people in my country don't exactly peruse dreams or hobbies if there's no money involved in it. Unlike western countries (maybe it's a luxury we can't afford idk) but That's how we were raised. in a collectivist mindset as children. We go to school, we learn a skill of trade. We grow up we get a job get married have kids become more religious with fime then perish. And that's that.
Anyways, danny despite being someone who didn't say much had always rubbed on me and left an influence at a young age (we were like 13-14) At first he showed how to mod and pirate shit. Then he'd make re-skins for our characters and avatars. Used to roleplay as scorpion and sub zero. Smoke and noob saibot. I even still have some skins he left on my Facebook page. Soon enough, we started chatting im Skype where he'll teach me basically everything I know today regarding the English language. I shit you not. Some goddamn 14 year old kid from America taught me more of what I know today than some legit certified teachers in my shit hole ever could. Back then I was as oblivious as child with down syndrome. I didn't even understand what microaggression sarcasm was. Anyhoo, with time we started to make more characters together and soon enough more players wanted to join us in our servers and roleplay with us. Danny wanted to make art more than anything else so he joined forums where artists post their stuff. I decided I wanted to find more guys like us looking for a group to chat with. So i created a Facebook page for the game and invite them in. I called it undead of the night and things went better than I even can imagine as a kid. At best, I had hoped that the group will have at least 10 members or so. But as time went buy we had more than 40 guys and mostly active too. It was a blast to have so many guys to talk to. We'd organise meetings and discuss our lives for hours.
Then one day I wanted to add more members so I joined more servers from Europe and asia. That was the day I met her. Sassy-girl. in a polish group where the non-guests spoke mostly in their laniguge. At first I kept quiet for hours just observing them like a retard. Suddenly, one girl named snowwy approached me and asked me to join in. I remember she used to love to finish every sentence with "xD" which I found both extremely cute and annoying. Most of the guys were uncaring and uninterested in me because I had nothing to say but snowwy was just...one of the most extroverted and friendliest characters I ever met at the time. So naturally i wanted her to join my group but she refused and said she already had her own group in kik (and later on discord where they kept in touch for years). So she had the idea of asking her friend sassy to join with me instead. Sassy was the quiet type at first who'd only answer in yes or no or pms. She she said yes, but only if I invited her on kik or skype as well. I didn't have a kik at the time so I lied and instantly made one but I had no group to invite her in so I added her but kept changing the whenever she brought it up. We started to open up to one another and talk about family, school ans random shit. I kept playing this "pervertish" perosna whenever I'm around her to make her laugh or something. Quite the simping faggot I know. But she genuinely enjoyed it and the more I acted more loose and "relaxed" with it the more open she became. Then one day out of the blue and i don't exactly remember how I asked her if she'd like to be my girlfriend in a joking manner. like an uttef sperg it took me a second to realize it then I panicked trying to delete it right away but she had already seen it and the remained silent. Then she started typing and stopping for a while. I think I expected her to lash at me but the only thing she eventually send was "yes". I cannot describe how awkwardly that felt or how much joy it brought me when I read that despite me knowing now it's just a silly childhood moment, kids being kids thing. After that moment would come to pass and I'll lose touch with almost everyone. The friends from my game. My Facebook pagd. Everyone grew up and went their own way.
EVEN danny had found his new friend group irl and is today posting selfies. And I'm quite happy for him. I still lurk his Facebook page from time to time and my dude is a tyronlite now. LOL
But me and sassy kept in touch for years. Sometimes we sexted. Sometimes fighting. Sometimes exchanging selfies. But eventually broke up and went our own way.
after the pandemic and quitting my job. I reached out for her as old friends. And learned she's somewhere in France now. She's a stem student and working. Living life to the fullest while I rot.
And that's that. A chapter of my life that faded into memory.
What about you. What story do you have to share?.
My autistic story began back in 2013, When Aot was quite popular, a guy named feng made an online multiplayer fan tribute game. At first I preferred playing solo since I lacked any intretss or online friends and I was extremely shy as a kid to the point even texting felt suffocating. then one day I decided to join a big server and see what it's like to have a shared experience in a place where I wouldn't awkwardly stand out like a loser even in a childish game. That was the day I met my first online friend. Probably the first kid to ever connect with both online or irl. His name was danny, an African-american geek who loved to draw dbz and mortal combat, teen titans art. Now back then I truly was a foreigner to western worldview and culture. A pure muslim ethnic type, thd kind with no dream or hobbies of their own. See, most of the people in my country don't exactly peruse dreams or hobbies if there's no money involved in it. Unlike western countries (maybe it's a luxury we can't afford idk) but That's how we were raised. in a collectivist mindset as children. We go to school, we learn a skill of trade. We grow up we get a job get married have kids become more religious with fime then perish. And that's that.
Anyways, danny despite being someone who didn't say much had always rubbed on me and left an influence at a young age (we were like 13-14) At first he showed how to mod and pirate shit. Then he'd make re-skins for our characters and avatars. Used to roleplay as scorpion and sub zero. Smoke and noob saibot. I even still have some skins he left on my Facebook page. Soon enough, we started chatting im Skype where he'll teach me basically everything I know today regarding the English language. I shit you not. Some goddamn 14 year old kid from America taught me more of what I know today than some legit certified teachers in my shit hole ever could. Back then I was as oblivious as child with down syndrome. I didn't even understand what microaggression sarcasm was. Anyhoo, with time we started to make more characters together and soon enough more players wanted to join us in our servers and roleplay with us. Danny wanted to make art more than anything else so he joined forums where artists post their stuff. I decided I wanted to find more guys like us looking for a group to chat with. So i created a Facebook page for the game and invite them in. I called it undead of the night and things went better than I even can imagine as a kid. At best, I had hoped that the group will have at least 10 members or so. But as time went buy we had more than 40 guys and mostly active too. It was a blast to have so many guys to talk to. We'd organise meetings and discuss our lives for hours.
Then one day I wanted to add more members so I joined more servers from Europe and asia. That was the day I met her. Sassy-girl. in a polish group where the non-guests spoke mostly in their laniguge. At first I kept quiet for hours just observing them like a retard. Suddenly, one girl named snowwy approached me and asked me to join in. I remember she used to love to finish every sentence with "xD" which I found both extremely cute and annoying. Most of the guys were uncaring and uninterested in me because I had nothing to say but snowwy was just...one of the most extroverted and friendliest characters I ever met at the time. So naturally i wanted her to join my group but she refused and said she already had her own group in kik (and later on discord where they kept in touch for years). So she had the idea of asking her friend sassy to join with me instead. Sassy was the quiet type at first who'd only answer in yes or no or pms. She she said yes, but only if I invited her on kik or skype as well. I didn't have a kik at the time so I lied and instantly made one but I had no group to invite her in so I added her but kept changing the whenever she brought it up. We started to open up to one another and talk about family, school ans random shit. I kept playing this "pervertish" perosna whenever I'm around her to make her laugh or something. Quite the simping faggot I know. But she genuinely enjoyed it and the more I acted more loose and "relaxed" with it the more open she became. Then one day out of the blue and i don't exactly remember how I asked her if she'd like to be my girlfriend in a joking manner. like an uttef sperg it took me a second to realize it then I panicked trying to delete it right away but she had already seen it and the remained silent. Then she started typing and stopping for a while. I think I expected her to lash at me but the only thing she eventually send was "yes". I cannot describe how awkwardly that felt or how much joy it brought me when I read that despite me knowing now it's just a silly childhood moment, kids being kids thing. After that moment would come to pass and I'll lose touch with almost everyone. The friends from my game. My Facebook pagd. Everyone grew up and went their own way.
EVEN danny had found his new friend group irl and is today posting selfies. And I'm quite happy for him. I still lurk his Facebook page from time to time and my dude is a tyronlite now. LOL
But me and sassy kept in touch for years. Sometimes we sexted. Sometimes fighting. Sometimes exchanging selfies. But eventually broke up and went our own way.
after the pandemic and quitting my job. I reached out for her as old friends. And learned she's somewhere in France now. She's a stem student and working. Living life to the fullest while I rot.
And that's that. A chapter of my life that faded into memory.
What about you. What story do you have to share?.
