Discussion Writing a NEW Kinda story, unlike anything before. Its mysticism/scientific/cosmic horror! HONEST Opinions welcome...

Lordgoro

Lordgoro

Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?
Nov 1, 2022
1,557
"The Realm of the Room"

"So, here it is finally! The crown jewel of human existence and culmination of my life’s work!" my eccentric friend proclaimed, while flourishing his arm and hand in a strange showy gesture more reminiscent of a circus ringmaster than a scientist. I didn't have a clue what I was really looking at, but it was certainly something I couldn't have mentally or intellectually prepared for. In fact, I hadn’t a clue what I was looking at! It was so vastly outside anything i've ever considered possible.
We stood in a dimly lit warehouse-type room, with thick layers of dust blanketing every surface on the outer walls and the vast, almost empty floor.
John had dragged me here at 2am, as I was leaving my favorite bar; Having miserably failed to get drunk, I was about to seek another when my cell phone blared, with his distinctive mystical sounding ringtone, the one I had chosen so I’d know it was him.
Ironically if i was actually feeling drunk, I would have never answered the phone, and therefore change the entire course of my future. Alas, I was almost stone cold sober right then, so I did answer, thereby sealing both our fates; Along with altering the course of the entire world’s future, maybe the entire Universe as well. Change can be a good thing, but some changes shouldn't ever exist in the first place. I suspect this is one of those.


In my long association with John, he was always kinda crazy, but he seemed to always have something uniquely fascinating up his sleeve every time we’ve ever met.
Even over a normal morning coffee at a local cafe, his conversations were so profound I’d get a migraine just from trying to understand most of his topics. I’d once noticed tiny pieces of white tissues he’d ripped up dancing up and down in a maddeningly elusive pattern while John laughed, both of us giddy drunk. If it was a drunken illusion, then it was a shared one, and we never discussed it after its initial occurrence.

Honestly I can say I've never met another person even remotely close to his eccentricity. Even among the geniuses of the world, he was in his own unique class. So when I decided to answer his call, I knew something far more interesting than the pleasures and excesses of drunkenness were calling.
So here we stood, after meeting in front of the warehouse, illuminated by moonlight only, not a single light outside. Knowing John, this was by perfect intent, as was everything he did, from neatly folding up his sugar packets, to every physical gesture he ever made.
For him, everything had a point. He has mentioned endless times that everything has a purpose, and a reason to exist. Even the seeming chaos in the modern world. Looking back, if I had doubted this before, I no longer doubt. He was right, 100 percent. I know this now.
As for exactly what I was seeing, the more I saw, the less I understood it.

In life, most objects aren't that mysterious. Even our technology seems easily comprehensible when looking at it. A spoon is a spoon, a TV is a TV, and a rug is a rug. All of these objects are simple, and no extrapolation is necessary for us to understand them. Even an advanced car takes no great leaps of mind to understand, and use daily. Show it to a time traveler from centuries past, and a car would be both monstrous and magical. Mundane to us, vastly mysterious to our hypothetical friend from the past. Perhaps something from the "Gods".

This object before us seemed simple at first, but as the seconds passed, I knew it wasn't such a simple thing. I responded to John after a few seconds of drinking it all in. “what exactly IS this?”
He wasted no time in his response. “What do you think it is? Let's do a small experiment together shall we?. Why don't you tell me exactly what you see, and afterwards, I'll either agree that I see the same exact thing, or not? Does that seem fair enough?” As he shrugged nonchalantly.

John loved word games, and he often relished challenging others in their own perceptions and beliefs. I could picture him rubbing his hands together gleefully like an old school James Bond villain, challenging his nemesis to figure this all out. His personal monstrous and masterful creation, like a proud father of something new and possibly dangerous to life itself, but such an accomplishment it's genius could not be denied.
 
UglyBastard

UglyBastard

Kyrie, fons bonitatis
Mar 28, 2023
2,050
  1. Characterization: You've introduced John as an eccentric and enigmatic character, which works well for this genre. Continue to develop his character throughout the story, providing insight into his motivations, obsessions, and the consequences of his actions.
  2. Atmosphere and Setting: You've created a mysterious and eerie atmosphere with the dimly lit warehouse. Consider expanding on the setting to enhance the sense of dread and otherworldly fascination. Describe the surroundings in more detail to immerse readers in this unusual environment.
  3. Foreshadowing: You've hinted at significant consequences, not only for the characters but for the world and universe. Use foreshadowing to build tension and keep readers engaged. Drop hints and clues about the potential horrors that may be unleashed.
  4. Pacing: Cosmic horror often relies on slow and creeping tension. Consider pacing the story to gradually reveal the true nature of the object and its implications. This can heighten the suspense and make the reveal more impactful.
  5. Dialogue and Interaction: The dialogue between characters is engaging, but you can use it to delve deeper into their personalities and beliefs. John's philosophical musings and challenges could lead to thought-provoking discussions that add depth to the story.
  6. Imagery and Descriptions: Since this is a unique and otherworldly concept, vivid descriptions and imagery are essential. Help readers visualize and experience the bizarre nature of the object and its effects.
  7. Themes and Philosophical Elements: Cosmic horror often explores existential themes and the insignificance of humanity in the face of incomprehensible forces. Consider weaving philosophical and existential elements into the narrative.
  8. Tone and Atmosphere: Maintain a consistent tone that balances curiosity and fear. The story should be both intellectually stimulating and unsettling.
  9. Character Development: As the story progresses, explore how the characters' understanding of the object evolves and how it affects their beliefs and sanity.
  10. Conflict and Consequences: Build up conflicts and dilemmas as the story unfolds. Show the consequences of interacting with the mysterious object and how it impacts not only the characters but the world around them.
 
Lordgoro

Lordgoro

Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?
Nov 1, 2022
1,557
THUS the opinion of a chatbot! Haha!! I prefer HUMAN opinions whenever possible. After all, writers write for PEOPLE no?
 
RNT

RNT

Eternal Night
Aug 23, 2023
1,871
THUS the opinion of a chatbot! Haha!!
There's so many of them designed specifically for creative writers out there. Languages models for AI are all different and it's not copies of ChatGPT.

I played with Novel AI the other day (it doesn't require a registration), not bad. Especially considering my writer's block starts after two sentences.
 
Lordgoro

Lordgoro

Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?
Nov 1, 2022
1,557
There's so many of them designed specifically for creative writers out there. Languages models for AI are all different and it's not copies of ChatGPT.

I played with Novel AI the other day (it doesn't require a registration), not bad. Especially considering my writer's block starts after two sentences.
Yep. I write ALL my own words in my stories. Let me know opinions? This is just the opening piece.
 
UglyBastard

UglyBastard

Kyrie, fons bonitatis
Mar 28, 2023
2,050
THUS the opinion of a chatbot! Haha!! I prefer HUMAN opinions whenever possible. After all, writers write for PEOPLE no?
I can write you my opinions, but it will take some time since I'm ESL. I have read a lot of classic books from Russian, Portuguese, French and English literature, the problem is that I read almost all of them in Portuguese. I don't have a good vocabulary in English when it comes to English, but I think I have a lot to add to your story, at least in structure and character terms.
 
Unemployed

Unemployed

🤓
Nov 28, 2020
6,967
I can write you my opinions, but it will take some time since I'm ESL. I have read a lot of classic books from Russian, Portuguese, French and English literature, the problem is that I read almost all of them in Portuguese. I don't have a good vocabulary in English when it comes to English, but I think I have a lot to add to your story, at least in structure and character terms.
This novel is good!

Sorry for my bad English.

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